


Lean on me

by CoulsonsHawk



Series: Finding a family [1]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Child Abandonment, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 06:50:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoulsonsHawk/pseuds/CoulsonsHawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint's childlike behavior starts to affect his relationship with his team, in addition to that Amora appears. She revives their dead parents as a thank you for their help and things start to go south from there on. Clint's behavior starts to make more sense to his friends, and Barney finds his way back home to Clint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lean on me

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Child abuse, violence, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, temporary resurrection of parents, tiny spoiler for the comic Hawkeye: Blindspot.  
> A./N.: I had two ideas for stories and they kinda ended up in this one. I read Hawkeye Blindspot for the millionths time and the plot bunny wouldn't let go of me. I still have the movie universe in mind, with Loki and all in the past. I hope the story turned out okay. No beta, yet. I'm still learning. Oh, and I made up most parents. I'm not a huge Hulk fan for example and don't know anything about his past. And for Tony's dad... I think death can change even a Stark. They might not get along but I think it's time that they do.  
> Enjoy :)

Hill calling him childish was something he got used to over the years. Nick calling him an outsized kid was normal and something Clint could live with but his fellow Avengers started noticing his rather child-like behavior too. That was a fact he was rather uncomfortable with. Phil successfully ignored his puerile character traits during the last ten years as long as he fulfilled his duties. He could be serious and extremely mature if he had to be but he didn't feel like being an adult whenever he felt like he was in a safe environment.

Tony wasn't a textbook example for being grown up himself but he dared to accuse Clint of being behind and nerve-wrecking. Thereby was Clint's only goal to have some company, so he joined Tony in the lab and asked questions. He wasn't a genius and not well educated so he gave in to his curiosity and bombarded Tony with questions. He did that often and Tony never seemed to mind, until two weeks ago. Stark threw him out of his lab with the order to never come down there uninvited again. It hurt to know that he made Tony angry with his curiosity. He just intended to learn and understand his friend better. Tony was so far out of his league that he wanted to be worthy to call himself Anthony Stark's friend. And they were friends, Clint was sure of that, at least until Tony threw him out.

The next person to call him childish was Bruce. He had no idea how he vexed Bruce of all people but somehow he did. They were preparing dinner for the team and Clint had an awesome day. He got to test his knew arrows and caught Juggernaut and all that before dinner. Phil had granted him one of his rare smiles in front of fellow agents and junior agents. Clint treasured the times he got approval in front of Phil's men.  
So he talked, very animated, and Bruce answered at the beginning but after half an hour he asked Clint to keep his mouth shut and he told him that Clint was worse than a kid high on sugar and caffeine. Barton closed his mouth with a loud click and avoided talking with Bruce as long as possible.

Steve was next, the super soldier tried to watch a movie and Clint wasn't able to keep quiet, seeking Cap's attention. The old man was like a father figure and there was nothing Clint could do about it. Captain America was Captain America, he was strong but very gentle on the inside. Clint tried to gather information about Steve's past, how did a hero live back then? How was his life before the serum? And things like that.  
Steve on the other hand was not interested in telling Clint about his life, he just wanted to see the movie and adjust to the twenty first century.  
Cap called Phil and asked him to get an assignment for Clint because the archer was insufferable and he felt like a nanny.

That way Clint ended up in Texas, for three days. Without Phil and without Nat. He whined about his boring assignment the next time he saw her but all Nat said was grow up. She was busy with making preparations for her date with Bruce.

Clint sighed, he needed sixteen months and three weeks to lose his friends. Okay he didn't lose them but it felt that way. It was for someone like him a very long time. He learned on an early age that no one wanted him around, especially not for so long.

"Hawkeye, report," Phil heard Clint's uncharacteristic sigh. It wasn't one of Clint's bored sighs or his annoyed or frustrated ones, this one was kind of sad.  
"I can't take a shot, too many bystanders and Iron Man has his back in the way. I can't see the target." He let two arrows fly to keep Natasha safe who was surrounded by three armed guys. "Captain America needs back up, fast." Phil ordered, watching his childhood hero getting beat up by Dr. Octopus.  
"Can't take the shot, sir. Have to switch position."  
And before Phil could say anything Clint jumped down an eighty story building, firing his explosive arrows at Doc Ock.  
Phil was close to a heart attack when Clint twisted in the air and aimed at the ledge of the building. The arrow and rope got a tight hold on the ledge, "That was fun, sir." Clint said cheerful while he dangled from the building. His shoulder hurt from the abrupt stop but nothing was dislocated or broken.

"Stay put, Thor will pick you up in a minute." Phil's tone was icy and Clint knew his handler was more than angry.  
The expression on Thor's face when he picked him up was alarming, he reminded him of Barney when he was about to scold him. "That was stupid my friend, I think you're too old for such, ... kid's stuff like my lady Jane would say."  
"Not the first time I jump off a roof," Clint kept his tone cheerful. "I'm Hawkeye."  
"Doesn't mean you can pull a stunt like, like this..." Tony pointed at the high tower.  
"Barton, I want a full report about the incident and your motivations. You get four hours." Phil turned around and left to supervise the cleaning crew.  
Clint's smile dropped the moment he felt unobserved.

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint sat on the couch in his apartment at Stark Tower, waiting for his fiancé. It was almost eleven but Phil wasn't home yet. Clint watched the night sky, at least the bits and pieces that were visible between all the lights of New York City. He could see a few stars glitter on the firmament. The apartment was too quiet, turning the T.V. on wouldn't be the same than having real people around him so he didn't. He hated crowds but he loved having people around him he could trust. He never had people he could trust until he joined S.H.I.E.L.D., they aren't the most trustworthy people on earth but they put up with him for ten years, without letting him down.

The Avenger initiative was his chance to work with people he admired. Phil was a Captain America fan but who changed Clint's life was Iron man. He knew the moment he saw Iron man in action that he wanted to be a hero too.

The click of the door interrupted his thoughts, "You're late. Did Jasper dump his work on you again because he forgot an anniversary?"  
"No," Phil's tone was still cold and distant. "I tried to cool down before I rip your head off."  
"That would have been my second theory," Clint cringed inwardly. "Moscow, Prague, Dallas, Berlin, Dubai, Loki's attack."  
"What's your point?" Phil shed his jacket and loosened his tie.  
"I jumped off a building during all these missions."  
"And what makes you think that makes it alright?" Phil walked into their bedroom, taking a pillow and a blanket before he threw them at Clint.

"It saved Cap. It's my job to keep them safe." He caught the bedclothes. It wasn't the first time he had to sleep on the couch and it wouldn't be the last.  
"It was an unnecessary risk," Phil hissed. "You could have killed yourself with the stunt you pulled."  
"I'm an artist," Clint reasoned. "I'm capable of calculating my chances up there and I have experiences. I'm a trained agent after all."  
"Are you?" Phil glared but Clint could see how tired he was. "Sometimes I wonder if I am your boyfriend or your keeper." He sighed deeply before he took his eyes off of Clint and walked over to their bed.

Clint stared at Phil while he moved around the bedroom, keeper? The archer decided to let it go and made himself comfortable on the couch. He wasn't able to sleep that night and thought about all the times people told him to behave like an adult. Maybe it was time to bury Clint and resurrect Clinton. He had hoped to never be that person again but it was obviously necessary to keep the people he considered family. It was his own fault anyway. He went overboard with his happiness and curiosity and made his presence 'insufferable'.  
He could hear his daddy's voice in his head, telling him how useless he was, how insufferable his existence was.

It were nights like these that made him miss his brother even more. He always missed Barney but sometimes he missed him so much it hurt like hell. "Barney," tears stung in his eyes as he curled up into a ball of misery. "Barney, help."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint was already gone when Phil emerged from the bedroom. The fabric of the couch was cold and indicated that Clint was probably gone for quite a while.  
He felt guilty for being mean to Clint but the archer had scared him half to death and all he had to say was, 'that was fun'. Does our relationship mean nothing to him?

Phil prepared breakfast for two in hope Clint would show up but he didn't. A little voice inside his mind warned him that Clint might have left for good. Clint was very good at running away. "JARVIS, where is Agent Barton?" He needed to know.  
"Firing range, sir." The AI replied seconds later.  
Phil let out a sigh of relief, Clint was still there. "Thank you."  
"You're welcome, sir."

The agent walked down to the firing range Tony build for them, the first thing Phil noticed as the doors opened was Clint's voice. He was humming a tune while he fired arrow after arrow, Phil could hear all that before he even caught sight of his lover.  
Something in Clint's posture and expression set off the alarm bells inside his head, Clint was exceptional sad. The last time he saw that expression was the day Barney went to jail after saving Clint's eyesight. Tony had done everything within his power but in the end it was on Barney to save his little brother.

"What are you humming?" Phil asked, it was impossible that Clint wasn't aware of his presence.  
"I don't want to tell you," the song was deeply anchored in his heart and soul and he wasn't ready to share it, not even with Phil.  
"Associating another man with it?" Phil tried to joke but the reaction he got surprised him. The song was indeed related to another man. Coulson wondered what made Clint think about a long lost love while his fiancé was around. Maybe his mood the night before was way nastier than he had realized.

"I'm sorry."  
"It's okay, sir." Clint straightened his back, "I got out of line. You had every right to scold me and question my behavior."  
"Don't call me sir. We're not at work."  
"With all due respect sir but we're part of the Avenger initiative. Everything that happens around us is more or less work related." Clint fired an arrow, avoiding Phil's eyes on him.  
"I understand you're angry but don't play games with me. Stop pouting and soldier on." Phil rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Clint put down his bow for a moment, he had no idea what they were expecting him to do. He had no idea how to behave around them. Acting like the soldier he was, was obviously not accurate either.  
"Okay," Clint tried to sound as loving as possible but his heart wasn't in it. He loved Phil but their relationship could be very tiring at times. Phil was an ex-soldier, and the best agent S.H.I.E.L.D. had, he had many responsibilities, heavy responsibilities and it was hard for him to leave the agent at work and be just Phil.

 

"You need to eat," Phil was sure Clint skipped breakfast. He moved closer to his lover and put a hand on his drawing arm the moment he raised his bow again, lowering it. "It's enough," he said gently.  
"One more hour," Clint looked at Phil, begging with his eyes for more time.  
"But not more," Phil ordered JARVIS to keep track on Barton and make sure he stops after an hour.  
Clint aimed at his favorite kind of targets after Phil left and fired his beloved arrows, thinking of Barney while he hummed to the tune inside his head.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Hey Clint," Tony said cheerfully. "I'm tinkering with a new robot and thought you might want to help. I thought we could use the little robot to cause grief for the fledgling at S.H.I.E.L.D."  
"No thank you," Clint typed on his laptop. He chose the kitchen on the communal floor to write his report. He felt lonely in his apartment, Phil was at work like always.  
"What are you doing?" Tony tried to get a look at the screen.  
"Mission report," the archer stated as if it should be obvious.  
"You don't do mission reports," Tony frowned. "And much less in digital form."  
"Time to learn a few new skills."  
"Come on man, the report can wait causing mischief can't."  
"Still no."  
"Clint," Tony whined. The last time they spent time together was a month ago.  
"I said no and that's final," one part of Clint wanted to see what Tony's genius mind came up with this time but the other part still remembered Tony's harsh words.  
"Spoilsport," Tony huffed and shuffled out of the room.

Clint assumed that Tony informed Steve about his lack of interest in causing mischief, "Steve." Clint greeted as Cap entered.  
"I'm looking for a sparring partner, interested?" The old soldier seemed to be in a good mood but there was a hint of curiosity in his blue eyes.  
"No, thank you," Clint returned his attention to his report.  
"Clint, what's going on?" Steve took the empty seat next to Clint.  
"Nothing, I have to get the report done within the hour or Phil kicks my ass."  
"What mission?"  
"Classified," that was the truth.  
"I thought you resigned from your position as black ops leader." Steve looked concerned.  
"I have," Clint felt his muscles tense under Steve's enquiring gaze. "Disciplinary sanctions."  
"What have you done?" Cap couldn't remember any trouble concerning Clint, at least not this week.  
Clint lowered his gaze, staring at his own hands while he typed, he began humming, ignoring Steve.

The super soldier watched Clint for a long time, waiting for an answer or a sign of acknowledgement but he was nothing more than air the moment he asked his question. Steve got up with a heavy sigh, "You know where to find me in case you want to talk." He waited a moment but Clint continued ignoring him.

Nick sent Clint to Mombasa just because he'd asked to see his brother. Fury denied his request so Clint tried to sneak in but Nick caught him. The director knew him too well.  
Clint waited in position for three days, only to take one lousy shot, in the blazing sun surrounded by mosquitoes and critters. Just because he wanted to see his family so badly.  
"Mind if I join you?" Bruce appeared twenty minutes after Cap left.  
Clint closed his laptop and got up, "Yes." He returned to his apartment, leaving a stunned Bruce behind.  
"Damn," he slumped down on his couch. Life sucks. Barton opened his laptop and continued to write his report. One hour later he was finished and sent it via mail to Nick.

::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Coulson," Fury stormed into his office. File in hand.  
"What has he done this time?" Coulson was frustrated with his lover's behavior.  
"That," he threw the file on top of Phil's desk.  
Coulson opened the file and flipped through it, "Huh."  
"That's all you have to say?" Nick huffed, "What have you done to make him write a real mission report?"  
"Nothing, I swear." Coulson was just as surprised to see a well written and complete mission report with Clint's name on it. What made him frown a little was the fact that the report was signed with Clinton Francis Barton instead of Clint Barton or Hawkeye.  
"Sort out whatever it is," Nick ordered. "This is not normal and that scares me."  
"Yes, sir." Phil was worried too. It wasn't like Clint, sure he tried to make Phil or Nick happy at times and wrote passable reports but that was new.

It was time to go home and get to the bottom of his behavior but Phil never made it home like planned. A distressed Enchantress stranded on earth followed by rogue soldiers of Asgard who couldn't forget her crimes even though Odin pardoned her after defeating Surtur.  
Thor wasn't happy fighting against old alleys and friends but he had no choice. Cap convinced Tony to keep her safe, after all she was a woman and innocent. Who could refuse a request from Captain America?

Clint followed Phil like he always did and Coulson ordered him to help, so he did.  
"Thank you," Amora looked truly frightened. She wasn't strong enough to win against all of them, warriors and magicians were a mean combination.  
"Don't thank us yet," Clint raised his bow, firing his first shot that noon. Hitting a sturdy man in the eye but instead of dying he pulled out the arrow and wielded his sword. "You will pay, archer!"  
Clint jumped out of the way barely avoiding the sharp sword. 

"Hawkeye," he could hear Coulson yell but ignored him. He was too busy staying alive. The swordsman was good but Clint knew how to use a sword too. The archer shot a second arrow, hitting the wrist of a second swordsman, he stole the sword and faced his now one eyed foe. One of the magicians cured most of the damage the arrow caused.

 

"Come on," the archer took a deep breath. Their sword fight was long and ugly, both opponents were out of breath but it was obvious to all of them who would lose the battle. Clint would.  
Cap was breathing heavily too, he was fighting with a oversized dwarf with a bewitched axe.  
Hulk was the only one who smashed soldiers without breaking out in sweat. He defeated two while the others struggled to stay alive. 

"We need help," Phil's voice echoed through their radios. There was a hint of panic in his tone.  
"Be strong my friends," Thor announced. "I get help." He vanished shortly after.  
The fight lasted almost one and a half hours and it was even more obvious that they didn't stand a chance but luckily Thor was able to contact his father who sent his best and loyal soldiers to defend earth, the Avengers and Amora while they were at it.  
"I need a drink," Tony slumped down on the hard asphalt. His armor was dented and badly scratched. Tony himself had two broken ribs and bruises.

"Don't you dare," Steve gave him a halfhearted glare, sensing that it meant more in the figurative sense. Cap was bleeding slightly from various shallow cuts and he spotted a black eye.

"How are you?" Phil got on his knees next to the archer who lay on the ground.  
"Tired, sir." He swallowed hard the pain in his side was bearable but only when he didn't move. Clint had two deep cuts, a few minor cuts, and a dislocated wrist.  
Phil caressed Clint's sweaty forehead, it had been awful to watch his lover fight for his life while he and Natasha had to stand back. "Seems like a long night in medical."

"I feel sick," Clint rolled around and emptied his stomach on the sidewalk. Phil rubbed Clint's back until he stopped dry heaving.  
"Concussion?"  
"Yes," the archer whispered, closing his eyes.  
"Don't sleep," Phil ordered, kissing Clint's forehead. "Medical first."  
"Yes, sir." Clint mumbled into Phil's chest.  
"Clint, hey." Bruce checked the archer's vitals while they waited for the paramedics. "You heard your boss."  
Clint opened his eyes again, giving them a sad look.

"What are you thinking about?" Phil placed a soft kiss against Clint's forehead again, giving a damn about who was watching and what they were thinking.  
"Don't sleep," Natasha poked into one of his deep cuts.  
"AHHHHHH," Clint sat up to get away from her, puking again in the process.  
"God damn it Natalia," Phil yelled. Enclosing Clint protectively in his arms to shelter him from Nat and the others.  
She flinched at her given name, "not the first time, sir." She shrugged.  
Clint chuckled breathlessly, "Lisbon, that ... hurt." 

Phil groaned, "in Rom, Clint set her broken arm, twice, to keep her awake. Therefore she broke his finger in Lisbon. Don't make me explain their strange kind of logic." He answered their unasked questions.

"Wanna go home," Clint put an arm around Phil's middle, seeking Phil's comfort and warmth.  
"Soon," Phil tightened his arms around Clint, holding him closer. Coulson could feel Clint's warm blood against his skin where it penetrated the fabric of his suit, "Help is on the way." To his surprise the archer started humming again.

"Oh Clint," Phil whispered against Clint's head. "What happened?"  
Clint's only answer was to tightened his hold around Coulson and hide his face in his lover's shirt.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Damn are you still pissed that I threw you out of my lab a few weeks ago?" Tony crossed his arms in front of his chest. He offered to teach Clint how to modify his bow on his own but the archer declined, again.  
"What do you want from me Tony?" Clint held his gaze, he was still on sick leave but was fit enough to pick up a fight with Tony.  
"Want?" The engineer asked confused.  
"You told me not to enter the lab and grate on your nerves. So I won't," Clint shrugged ignoring the sting it caused in his side.

"That's why?" Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're still pouting because we told you our opinion?"  
"No, I behave like an adult but it's still not good enough for you," Clint narrowed his eyes. "I leave you be, I don't talk nonstop, I don't bother you when I can help it but you, you want more. You know what, there's nothing more I can give, the next step is me leaving."  
"We don't want you to leave," Steve assured.

"How did your parents put up with you? They must be proud." Tony muttered under his breath but Clint heard every single word.  
"Yeah turning in their graves," Clint gritted out.

"Barton stand down," Phil's voice was strong and demanding. He knew Clint well and his tense back and the steel in his eyes told Phil that the archer was ready to strike. "No fistfights."  
"Yes, sir." Clint leaned against the kitchen counter, eying Tony.

"What are you fighting about?"  
"Barton is sulking because we want him to behave like an adult sometimes." Tony answered for them.  
"That's why you behave so strangely," Phil put the pieces together. "You don't have to change for us, just be a little more attentive of ours moods okay?"  
Clint felt like crying, he wasn't sure if the reason was his sadness or his anger. "Yes, sir."  
"Not at home," Phil sighed.  
"You ordered me to stand down, that makes it official, sir." Clint had many secrets, even from Phil.

His handler and fiancé knew nothing about his upbringing. He knew he was an orphan, carny and criminal but that was all. All his life people tried to control him, forming him into someone he didn't want to be. The reason he was so overly cheerful and curious around them was because he trusted them. They were his family.

"Permission to cool down, sir? Making my mommy and daddy proud." Clint added the last part for Tony.  
"Permission granted," Phil watched his lover go. "Was it necessary to drag his family into all this?"  
"I didn't know they're dead," Tony looked apologetic.  
"Now you do," Coulson took a cup of coffee, regretting the things he had said so many nights before. Now it made sense, who else told you to grow up, to change?

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Clint," Phil knocked on the door to Clint's quarter at S.H.I.E.L.D. Phil never questioned Clint's urge to keep his little room, he guessed that Clint was waiting for his life to crumble around him and that he needed the knowledge that he had a place he could return to should his social network collapse.

"Wait," Clint opened the door two minutes later. His hair was damp and his skin slightly flushed.

"Got rid of the slime?" Phil smiled. Tony blew up a slimy, gigantic, frog and the slime and innards landed on Clint who stood too close to avoid the mess.  
"Yes, that was icky."  
"That it was," Coulson waited for permission to enter but Barton continued blocking the doorway.

It wasn't like Clint not to invite him in. Well, actually he stopped doing that seven years ago before that Phil wasn't permitted to come anywhere near Barton's room, "Dinner?"  
"Sure," the archer closed the door, leaving Phil in front of his room. He emerged minutes later, fully dressed and wallet in hand.  
"I pay."  
"Nope, my turn."  
"No, it's mine," Clint paid the last time they met for dinner. Calling it one of their obligatory after hour dates. They rarely went on real dates so their ritual too meet for dinner turned from, more or less, meaningless routines to dates.

They chose their favorite restaurant close to HQ, "2 coffee and 2 burgers with fries?"  
"Yes, thank you Carla," Phil nodded. They ordered the same for years.  
"It's our first dinner this month," Clint hinted.  
"I was busy, and you too. Octopus and Hydra are highly active this month."  
"Yeah," he missed their time together.

Seeing Phil had lost its naturalness. The archer was glad he was able to see his lover at all. That was the only disadvantage of being an Avenger. It was hard to accept that Phil spent most of his time at HQ and Hawkeye at the tower. Sure Phil was their liaison but it only increased Coulson's workload instead of bringing them closer together.

"What's going on?" Phil studied his archer's every move.  
"Nothing," he lied.  
"I don't believe you and you know that."  
"There's nothing you can do."  
"But I can try," Phil wanted so desperately to take his sadness away.  
"There is no need to try," Clint needed his brother. Someone who understood what was wrong.

"Clint," Phil warned. "Are you in trouble?"  
"No," he shook his head, smiling at Phil. "No trouble. I promise."  
"So what is it? Is it about being childish? I talked to them, they promised to be more gentle with you and your idiosyncrasies." There was something in Clint's eyes Phil didn't like but he couldn't put his finger on it. It was something that bordered between melancholy and nostalgia. He took Clint's hand in his own, squeezing it tight, "you can tell me anything. You know that do you?"  
"I know Phil," there was nothing Phil would not understand but he didn't want him to know. "And I'm thankful but it's something I have to figure out myself."  
"I'm worried about you. It feels like you isolate yourself again. You needed years to come out of your shell and I'm scared you will hide yourself away again. I love you no matter if you isolate yourself or run around laughing like a child but I have trouble coping with the fact that there's nothing I can do about it. I'm scared I'm losing you."  
"You can't fix everything," Clint held Phil's gaze. "You can't fix me, no matter how hard you try but I promise you're not losing me."  
"I want to help, not fix you against your will."  
Clint gave Phil a loving smile, "Than stop."

Phil was speechless, staring at Clint.  
"You're Agent Coulson. Everybody obeys you, you handle every situation, you take on gods but you have to understand that Coulson is Coulson and Phil is Phil. Coulson's rules don't apply at home. I'm Coulson's asset, he can order me around and I will follow but I'm Phil's lover and friend, he has no right to order me, or force me to let myself be fixed. I know it's not your intention but that's what you do, always have and probably always will. And it's okay, but there are things I'm not ready to share and you have to understand that I will tell you when I think the time is right, not sooner. No matter how often you'll ask."  
"Is that how you feel?" Was he more interested in his job then in Clint? Did he mix private and work too much? Was he too pushy?  
"Yes," Clint's voice was firm but his eyes betrayed his need for acceptance.  
"I'm sorry," he truly was.

He had no idea he made Clint feel like a simple asset even though they were in a relationship for so long. There was no doubt that the archer loved him nonetheless but it pained him that he neglected Clint, without noticing what he was doing. The most precious person in his life. The only reason he pulled through his injury and survived, laughing in Loki's and death's face. How could I be so blind? "I'll try harder."  
"I know you will but don't. I don't want to change you, I just want you to be patient and wait until I'm ready."  
"I think changes on my part are necessary," making his Hawk unhappy was not an option and there was no way around changes to prevent further damage.  
"You're a full-blood agent, it's who you are. That's the man I fell in love with, I knew what I get myself into when you asked me out," the love was evident in Barton's eyes and expression. "I'd say yes again. I regret nothing."

Phil felt even more guilty, "You do know that I love you, right? With all my heart?"  
"Oh I realized that the first time you held vigil on my bedside, holding my hand." The mission had been a disaster, four lost agents, two dead assets, one destroyed jet, two blown up SUVs, and six hurt S.H.I.E.L.D. members.  
Phil had gotten hurt too, flying debris had broken his shin but the cast and pain medication didn't prevent him from sitting next to his bed, for days. The nurses told him about his lovely handler who declined doctors orders, to leave and rest, because his asset needed him.

The night Clint woke up from his coma they wheeled a second bed into the room, sedating Phil against his will. The agent was not happy and threatened to kill them and hide their bodies should they dare to sedate him again. Eight years and nine months later the doctors remembered the threat, teaching their fledglings to never sedate anyone against their will when they're connected to Coulson in some way. "You were very reluctant to leave, even after I woke up. It wasn't necessary for you to stay until they released me but I appreciate that, very much." Nick wasn't happy with Phil at first but he let his friend be, bombarding him with paperwork afterwards, to keep both of them busy and out of his hair. A bored Coulson was just as exhausting as a bored Barton, only on a different level.

"You looked so fragile," the older man tilted his head a little, looking at Clint. The memory was still fresh in his mind, "You needed me. You needed guidance, and care. Seeing you putting yourself in danger scares me to the bone. Every single time I see you jump off a building or ... get shot, my heart stops. Do you remember how you ended up in medical?"  
"I broke my skull."  
"How?"  
"I jum-...," realization dawned on him.

He jumped off a building but the enemy caught him before he reached the ledge of the neighboring building. The bullet had just grazed his upper arm but it caught him off guard and his hands missed the ledge by inches. He fell around 20 feet and landed sideways on a parking car. The impact broke his skull, collarbone and arm. The doctors told him that he was a very lucky man, it was a miracle he survived. "Oh."

"Yeah. Oh," Phil's voice was kind but Clint could see the hurt in his beautiful orbs.  
"I traumatized you," the archer gasped with shock. He traumatized his lover back then and poked into the emotional wound again and again and again. "I am sorry."  
Phil gave Clint a long suffering look, it wasn't his intention to reveal his fear of losing Clint. He invited Clint to get a chance to help him and not the other way around, "Both of us have more than enough traumata to last a life time. But we aren't here to discuss old events. Let's enjoy our meal and go home afterwards."

"Can I have it slow?" Clint mumbled barely audible. Phil needed a moment to figure out what his lover meant, "I'll show you how much you mean to me, nice and slow." He watched with satisfaction as Clint's ears turned slightly pink. "I love you, Clint."

:::::::::::::::::::::::

"Phil," Clint's eyes gleamed but he stayed put. The older agent had to attend a conference, it had been scheduled for four days but they couldn't find an agreement so it turned into a six-day trip.

Coulson and the others frowned as the quinjet landed and Clint stayed where he was. Normally he flung himself at Coulson the moment the older man stepped out of the jet. "Welcome back."  
Phil turned the tables and went straight to Clint, pulling him into a tight hug, "I missed you." He kissed Clint's temple.  
"Missed you too," he smiled. "And no injuries to report, sir."  
"My shift ended the moment I left the damn jet," Phil murmured. He took Clint's wish to separate work and private very serious.  
"Missed you too, and no need to worry, Phil, I'm unscathed."

Coulson raised his brows, "Good. I was a little worried after Nick told me about Hulk throwing you against a wall."  
"I was a little too talkative in the field," the archer hid his face in the crook of Phil's neck. He missed his scent, it was soothing. Reminding his soul how safety felt. "I was talking to myself but forgot to switched off the radio." He was lonely without Phil, the older man was all he had left. 

Phil placed a palm against Clint's cheek and forced Clint gently to look at him, "Don't worry I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," he sealed his promise with a kiss. "Let's go inside. I'm beat."

"Dinner is ready, you can take a shower first. I can reheat it," Hawkeye's gaze strayed over to his fellow teammates.  
"Ignore them. Focus on me. Just on me."  
Clint's gaze wandered back to Phil, lighting up at the smile that greeted him.  
"Attaboy," Phil's smile widened. "Come," they walked inside hand in hand.  
"Join me," Phil invited Clint to shower with him. He wasn't in the mood for sex but intended to grab the chance to check if Clint was truly unharmed.

Clint grabbed his favorite shirt and sweats, "How was the conference?"  
"Boring," he turned on the water, tilting his head back. The hot spray of water was exactly what he needed after such a week. He felt the knots in his muscles loosen, "After six days they agreed that they disagree. They meet again next month but it's Jasper's turn."

"I had more fun," the archer stepped into the shower, inspecting his handler's well build body. He wasn't build like a brick wall but in Clint's opinion he was perfect the way he was. "Missed your voice in my ear, though."  
"Missed yours," he needed Clint's voice in his ear to keep calm and focused just like the archer needed his. "Now step back, I want to see you."  
"If I didn't knew better I'd say you developed a new kink," Clint did as he was told. "See not hurt."  
"I wouldn't call reminders of a huge bruise as unharmed."  
"Could have been worse."  
"That's true," Phil's eyes never left the yellow bruising. He reached out and traced the bruises with his fingertips.

Clint shivered as the fingers ghosted over his skin, "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hulk was frustrated with these hornet thingies A.I.M. let loose."  
"I will have a talk with Dr. Banner in the morning. The green guy has no right to vent his frustration on a teammate. Especially not at you, you have no superpowers or suit to protect yourself from someone like Hulk."

It was clearly audible that Phil was angry, not with his fiancé but with the green guy. There was a steely edge in his voice he only got when he was truly pissed, "I don't think you can tase him."  
"I can," Phil deadpanned. "I could melt Stark's suit if I wanted."  
"Cool," the blond grinned. "I want to see that."  
"You have to wait a little longer, Fury still denies my request to tase Tony but I think he will give in soon." The anger was replaced by humor, eyes shining with mischief.  
"Awesome."

The true smile, that reached his eyes, took Phil's breath away. His heart began hammering in his chest, hitting his ribs with each beat. He palmed his lover's face and kissed him hard, "Love you. Don't ever stop smiling." It was the kind of smile the older agent had missed the last weeks, the archer looked so young and innocent whenever he beamed with joy. "My pretty little Hawk."

Clint kissed back, placing his hands on Phil's hips to hold him in place. "Love you too," he panted. "Don't ever leave me. Never let me go."  
"Never."

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Amora appeared one and a half months later on the roof of Stark Tower to thank her saviors. "I grant you one month with your loved ones, the ones you lost so long ago," she announced.  
"What?" Steve gasped in disbelief.  
"I will resurrect your mom," she smiled at the soldier. "Not your dad, don't worry."  
Steve's father was a drunk and died so long ago that Steve barely remembered him, what he remembered, though, was that he beat his mom on occasions. "Thank you," he meant it. The thought of seeing his mom again was frightening and exciting, all at once.

"Stark, your parents too. Both of them. Mr. Banner you get your dad. Miss Romanoff you get both. Agent Coulson you too get both and so does Barton." She gave Clint a long look waiting for a sign. He shook his head barely noticeable and she gave him an equally tiny nod.  
She spread her arms and chanted for about two minutes before their parents appeared in front of them. 

"Mom," Steve sniffed. "I missed you so." She cried and took him into a motherly embrace, whispering soothing words and words of joy.  
"Nataliaaaa," a redheaded woman flung herself at Black widow. Crashing her in a tight hug, he father joined them and took both his ladies in his arms.

"Tony," Howard Stark stared at his son for a moment before he wrapped his arms around his boy. "You've grown so much," Maria hesitated to touch her son's face. He was an adult now, not her little baby boy. "I missed you," he invited his mother into his arms. Howard too put his arms protectively around his family.

Bruce's father was as silent as his son, they hugged in silence. Communicating through their body language and the knowledge that they love each other.

Mr. and Mrs. Coulson weren't sure how to act, the man in front of them was nothing like the kid they left behind so many years ago. He was tall and strong, possessing a strength that told them all they needed to know. He had the aura and the posture of a soldier but his kind eyes were still the same, "Oh baby." His mother finally said, opening her arms. Phil stepped into her comfort zone and embraced her, sobbing softly. "I love you mom, and dad," his gaze wandered to his father while he held his mother. Clint smiled at his friends, he noticed that Phil inherited his smile from his dad and his eyes resembled his mother's.

They were all so busy that no one noticed that Clint was still alone, staying behind while they walked back inside the tower to make up for lost time.  
"Thank you," Clint bowed a little.  
"I understand why you don't want them around," she gave him a gentle look.  
"You're not as mean as the Asgardians say."  
"They're not wrong either," she winked before she disappeared.

Clint stood on the roof alone and forgotten. Phil left him behind too, not introducing him to his parents even though they're engaged. He lost them so many years ago, I understand that he has just eyes for them. Who wouldn't with parents like them. How does it feel to have loving parents? Is it related to the love I share with Phil? Deep and honest? I'd love to find out one day. Life isn't fair, some have great parents and some have awful parents, how can that be fair? How can it be fair to be an orphan? No matter what kind of life we had before, it hurts. All of us hurt and always will. Hey god, tell me why did you take little Lucy's mommy and daddy? Making her lonely just to let her die of leukemia five years later, she fought two years for her life, she wasn't ready to die, she wanted to live so desperately. Is that what you call fairness? While some rich kids have nothing to worry about and the best medical treatment? Is it so hard for society to raise us to equal value? People are people. We're all the same, at least we should be.

The archer watched the sun set, illuminating the city in orange light. The sky was a mix of pink, blue and orange. It was a pretty sight, slowly calming his raging emotions for a while.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Where are your parents?" Bruce asked a few days later during breakfast, his father Gerald was a tall man with black hair and green eyes. He had gentle features and seemed to be a very nice man.

Maria and Howard on the other hand were a little icy but it was obvious that they loved Tony very much. Phil's mom was an awesome person, gentle and kind like a mother should be, her name was Martha. His father was around Phil's height and resembled him a lot, his name was Patrick.

Natasha was more than happy to have her family back, Sergej and Anja, she told them about the fire and how a soldier saved her from the flames.

Clint felt uncomfortable with so many people around him, "I asked her not to resurrect them." "Why, my dear?" His soon to be mother-in-law looked at him with kind eyes.  
"I don't think it's a good idea," he gave her a gentle smile.  
"Do you mean having us around is a bad idea?" Howard asked, he was so like Tony that it was unnerving.  
"That's not," he got interrupted as Tony opened his mouth.  
"What kind of son are you?"

"Tony," Phil warned. He introduced his parents to Clint the first night they reunited, after the adrenaline rush of seeing them again had subsided. They were happy for him. They told him they always suspected he was a homosexual and that it was not an issue, and would never be. He was their son no matter whom he loved or what he did for a living. His mother took an immediate liking to Clint, calling him adorable and nice. The archer had blushed furiously and for once he was at a loss for words. Phil hadn't been aware of it but Amora's gift made him realize how important his parents approval was for him. "It's his decision." Phil had tried to get behind the why but Clint wasn't ready to share his reason with anyone.

"Is there nothing you want to tell them? Want to show or do with them?" Natasha couldn't understand Clint either and she was his best friend.  
"No, there isn't."  
"Ungrateful brat," Steve shook his head.  
"Son," his mother chided.  
"Sorry mom," he blushed.

"Okay," Clint knew they wouldn't let it go until he agreed to see his parents, he knew them well enough by now to see the determination in their eyes. There was no way around it. Either he asked Amora to get them back or his friends would at some point. So he chose to get his parents back, shutting his friends up and survive. He shuffled out of the kitchen and onto the roof, calling Amora. A small part of him was hoping that she was too busy to notice his call, wherever she was. She had given them a small green gem, it was Asgards version of a telephone. You had to hold it in your hands and call out for her.

"What can I do for you?" She frowned.  
He explained that he needed his parents around to get rid of his nosy friends. They didn't understand, maybe they couldn't.  
She agreed, wishing him luck, "Call me again if you need me."  
He nodded, his heart felt heavy the moment she disappeared and his parents appeared.

"Clint?" His mother cried, taking him into her arms. "Oh you're so tall and broad. A real man." She gave him a watery smile, "My pretty boy. How are you?"  
"I'm fine, mom."  
"So one month?" His father sniffed, Amora provided them with all the information they needed while she brought them back from the land of dead.  
"Yes, sir." Clint nodded, letting go of his mother. Shielding her with his body out of habit.  
"Lead the way," his father ordered and Clint felt like a little child again, obeying his father's every wish.  
"Follow me," he led them inside. "Here they are," Clint pointed at his parents. "Harold and Edith."

"Nice to meet you," the Starks and Banners were all over his parents. Shaking hands, asking questions and sharing embarrassing childhood stories.

"So was he always such a firecracker?" Tony smirked.  
"Worse," Harold answered with a faked smile. "He and his brother have caused us a lot of grief," he exaggerated.  
"Clint what have you done? Burned down the house?"

No I was born, "Running away, coming home late, failing at school, causing trouble in kindergarten, getting into fights, stuff like that."  
"No surprise you have such a long criminal record," Tony blurted out.

The silence was awkward, Clint felt the heavy urge to hide.  
Phil's parents looked at him as if he grown a second head, Phil himself wore an expression of embarrassment. Of course it's embarrassing to introduce your highly criminal fiancé to your parents. Clint could live with the look on Phil's face, it was okay, justified even. What troubled him was the look on his own parent's face. The disgust and rage.

"You're a criminal?" His father kept his tone controlled but the archer new it better.  
"We were raised by villains after we left the orphanage," he shrugged.  
"That's not a reason to bring shame to the family. Where is your brother?" His mother spoke this time, she was angry that her boy turned out to be a lousy lowlife.  
"In jail," Clint's tone of voice betrayed some of his fear.  
"JAIL?!" His parents yelled in unison. "Oh god," his mother palmed her face.  
"So we raised criminals," Harold took a deep breath to prevent himself from losing it in front of the others. "Are you a honest man now?"  
"Yes, sir."  
"Good," he smiled again. "I can forgive you then. You had a hard life after all."  
"Thank you," he took Phil's hand into his own beneath the table. He needed his handler to keep him grounded.

"I forgive you too," his mother truly did after thinking about it. It was their own fault that their kids became villains. After all they had to endure at home.  
"I'm glad," he squeezed Phil's hand a little tighter. "Barney will be happy too."

Tony assigned Clint his own apartment for the month, he had the opinion that every one deserved alone time with their family, that included Phil and Clint. Phil wasn't sure he agreed but Clint gave him a smile and kiss, saying it was fine and he should enjoy the time he had with his parents. Coulson kissed back and promised dates during the month, without parents.  
The kisses they shared were a good reason for his father to beat the shit out of him that night, "I didn't raise a fag. I can't believe you suck dicks. And that's for staining the family name!"  
His mother stood in the doorway and watched with big frightened eyes while Clint made himself as small as possible while he lay on the ground to reduce the damage. Remaining silent and taking blow after blow, waiting for it to stop.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint joined his friends two days later, just because he was out of food. Their parents met that morning to explore the city on their own, granting their kids some time alone. He needed the shades to conceal the burst blood vessels in his left eye.  
The archer wore his sunglasses inside the mansion pretty often so it didn't draw attention, favoring his right leg did.

"What happened to you?" Steve tried to check him over but Clint refused.  
"I had too much to drink," was all Clint had to say.  
"I know a great hangover cure," Tony got up to get a glass.  
"No thank you. I had a couple of aspirins and a bottle of water."  
"Bar fight?" Phil joked entering the kitchen, dressed in sweats and an old shirt that belonged to Clint.  
"Yep," he could feel their eyes on him, eyeing his arms. He wore a long sleeved shirt and that made them frown. Hawkeye never wore long sleeved shirts.

"Did you give as good as you got?" Natasha gave him some coffee.  
"Sure," Clint lied. His phone buzzed, "Barton? Yes, sir. No sir. Don't. I don't want him here. Okay. Thank you, sir."  
"Nick?" Phil asked, he couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was wrong.  
"Yes."  
"What does he want?"  
"Barney requested to see our parents."  
"He has a right to see your parents," Steve frowned. "How do you think your parents will feel when their time is up and they didn't get the chance to see their oldest son?"

I will keep him safe, he's safe where he is. He can't come home, not now.

"He's in jail for a reason," Clint knew there was nothing they could say to belie his argument.  
"We could implant a tracker-chip," Phil offered.  
"They're dangerous," S.H.I.E.L.D. stopped hiding them in their victim's teeth years ago, now they put the tracker chips into their brains.  
"Okay, it's your decision," Phil wrapped his arms around his archer. "I miss you," he nuzzled his neck.  
"I miss you too," Clint tilted his head to give Phil better access to his neck.

His body felt sore but Phil's love and warmth let him forget for a while, "How are things with your mom and dad?"  
"Great," Phil beamed. "I missed them so much and I'm thankful for the chance to spend some time with them."  
"I'm happy for you," Clint put a hand on Phil's which rested on Clint's chest.  
"You're not happy," Phil noticed the lack of excitement.  
"I'm just scared of the day they have to leave again," he lied. They believed him.  
"That's why you decided not to have them around," Tony nodded satisfied with himself for finding the answer to a question he had tried to solve for a while.  
"Yes," it was scary what a great liar he could be. He learned to lie on an early age. He lied to the nurses at the hospital, to the teachers in school, to the child protective service, to the priests.  
"Let's go back to bed," Phil murmured.  
"I can't I meet my mom in an hour," he wanted nothing more than hide in Phil's arms but his torso was black and blue there was no way he could come close to Phil for a while.  
"Okay," the agent kissed the nape of Clint's neck.  
"See you later," Clint faked a happy smile before he left to get some air.

The mood inside the tower was suffocation. All the happiness and childhood stories tore on his heart and soul, taking him apart.

All he could see when he closed his eyes was little Clint hiding in a corner, burying his face between his knees to escape the world while his father yelled and raged. Hitting him, hitting Barney, hitting his mom. Again and again.

You little shit, come here. What did I tell you? Don't tell the teachers a damn thing. We're lucky you're so worthless they give a damn about you. His father had broken his arm that night, Clint was only four. Stop interfering! He broke my glass. Get away from him you loser. Why are you protecting him? Do you think that makes you a good brother? Is that it? Let me tell you something, you will never be. You're just as useless as he is.

Barney tried to protect his baby brother who was only two and a half, his father broke Barney's nose and covered his body with bruises. Clint got away with finger shaped bruises on his upper arms.

Protecting your worthless babies? Yeah, we have to put up with them because you're too stupid to remember taking your little pills. We should have drowned them the day they were born. Cheaper than abortions. God knows if they're mine you dumb whore.

His father beat his mother so hard she had to hide for over a week before she was presentable enough to leave the house. Clint and Barney got away unharmed. His brother said he was lucky mom protected them because he wasn't sure Clint would have survived his daddy's rage. Clint was just one year and four months old back then.

He sighed deeply, stepping out of the tower. He took one long look at the bright sky before he walked down the sidewalk, humming his childhood song.

::::::::::::::::::::::

Dinner that night was awkward and dragged on endlessly. Clint shoved his food around his plate, not hungry at all. His mother talked animatedly with Phil's mom while his father tried to twist Phil's dad around his finger. What fine kids we have. How well they turned out. How much they wished to have lived to see them grow up, yadda yadda yadda. Oh Clint believed Mr. and Mrs. Coulson but his father, and partly his mother, lied their heads off about him. His mother was probably proud he made something of himself, he was a hero after all but he wasn't sure she was okay with him being gay and engaged to Phil.

"So Clint," Howard asked. "I heard you're a good tactician."  
"Phil is our best strategist," Clint tried to get rid of the attention the question caused.  
"Tony says your plans are quick and efficient," Maria smiled at Clint like a mother who was happy her boy finally found a friend he could bring back home.

"I had over a decade to master the skill," he looked insecure and slightly ashamed. Glancing at his father every so often.  
"I'm glad you made it so far," his father praised. "You got us a little worried back then. He was not the brightest bulb in the box but it seems he caught up with the others." Clint could hear the distaste in his father's voice, no one else could. 

"Do you have a master degree?" Howard assumed Clint was well educated.  
Mr. Barton snorted, "He's a high school drop out."  
"Oh," Mr. Stark didn't know what to say.  
"But Clint could have made it," Tony assured. "We could catch up on it, what do you think?"  
Clint knew he had to say something but which answer was the best? Both, a yes or no, could set off his father's rage. "I'm too old for that."  
"You're never too old," Tony argued.

"I'm not cut out for being a student. I prefer to learn things by doing it, not read about it."  
"Scared?" His father kept his tone light but he was mocking him so much was clear.  
"I see no use in a master degree. I have a well paid job and a high degree will bring me nowhere." Clint's innards tightened, it was as close to talking back as he would ever come and he knew the punishment for such a behavior.

"Clint is right," Natasha's protective streak kicked in. "We have the highest positions people with our skill set can get." Her mother nodded her approval, she was proud of her daughter.

Her life had been hell after they left her alone in the world and she turned out damn well considering the circumstances. Sergej had the same opinion about his precious daughter.  
"Clint," Phil gestured him to follow him into the next room. "Are you alright?" The shades were unnerving, Phil hated not seeing Clint's beautiful eyes. But him wearing them inside was not that unusual.

"Sure. Why?" Clint forced himself to smile, thinking about something happy to make it seem real. He was thinking of their last date, the day before their parents returned. They went dancing, just the two of them. They talked and laughed the whole night, dancing arm in arm.  
"I don't know, you tell me." Phil lifted a hand and caressed Clint's cheekbone with the knuckles of his fingers.  
"I'm fine," the archer leaned into the touch. Absorbing his lover's gentleness.

Phil gave him a long searching look before he nodded, "Okay. You can always talk to me, you know that. My parents can wait when you need me."

And what am I supposed to say? Hey love could you possibly protect me from my parents? Or rather could you hide me away for a month?

"I know that," Clint grinned, taking Phil's hand.

"I love you," he kissed his handler with all he had, regretting it instantly as Phil tried to push his hand under his shirt. "Stop. Not with our parents in the next room. The thought is just, urgh."  
Phil chuckled, Clint had a point. He felt like a naughty teenager all over again, "tonight in my room?"  
"I can't I promised my mom to watch a few episodes of her favorite T.V. show, she missed a few episodes because of her early death."

Please, believe me. I need you so much, ignore what I say and hold me.

"Maybe tomorrow," Phil's tone held a hint of disappointment but their parents would leave in a few weeks and Phil and Clint had a lifetime left together. He gave him one last and very loving kiss before they rejoined their families.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint got a hit to the head that night, causing a slight concussion. The archer had enough concussions to know when he had one without consulting a doctor. He was able to avoid his friends and lover for most of the following week. No one questioned his excuses, they understood that he needed time with his parents to make up for lost time. Luckily they were so busy with their own business that they didn't look too closely.

Tony showed his parents what Stark industries had become and how useful and awesome the Maria Stark Foundation was. Steve visited New York's finest art galleries and museums, they shared their love for art and culture.

Natasha made it her mission to enable her parents to spend a month in freedom, without war, without state control and especially without fear.

Bruce on the other hand taught his father how far they had come in biology, physics and chemistry.

Clint watched Phil from the air vents, envying him and his family. They talked a lot, laughed and played board games or watched movies. Once a day they visited places his parents wanted to see and Phil tagged happily along, enjoying the time they got.

Clint's own mother was crying right now, yelling at his dad. He was too drunk to hurt her so Clint decided to hide in the vents until they stopped screaming.  
Main reason for their dispute was their wayward good for nothing boy who was fucking men and befriended rich playboys.

Clint felt terrible, useless, good for nothing, dumb, trash, burden, plague, loser, fag, his mind circled around the same hateful words for hours.

The fact that he wasn't able to stand up for himself in front of his father was a riddle to him. His shrink would have a field day with his twisted feelings. He was a grown man, a trained assassin and due to dumb luck a hero but he was too lost in old habits and manners to do anything about it. Whenever his father raised his hand his body froze and Clint hid inside his head, watching his father beat him from inside his mind. His eyes functioned as window to the outer world.

Clint come over here, his father slurred after too many drinks. Mrs. McLeod from next door said you climbed up her tree again. What have I said about attracting attention? What will the neighbors think when my own flesh and blood disobeys me? How often did I tell you not to climb up there? He pulled on Clint's hair, yanking his head back until his neck hurt. Where is the other piece of shit? Clint had answered that Barney was with mom, shopping grocery. That was a failure Clint would regret for weeks because his father pushed him to the ground and gave him a hard kick, breaking two of his ribs. Little Clint lay hunched up on the ground covering his little head. When he had learned something then that kicks to the torso were less painful than kicks to the head. Minutes passed and felt like ages before Barney burst through the door, jumping at his dad. Yelling at him to stop, to get away from his baby bro. Harold threw his oldest son to the ground and punched him in the face, cracking his jaw. Their mom took them to the hospital, telling the doctor that they got into a fight and fell down a flight of stairs. The doc gave her a strange look but didn't comment on it. Child protective service never came.

Phil's soft laughter pulled him back into reality. The archer smiled down at his lover for one more minute before he crawled back to his apartment.

::::::::::::::::::::

"Something is wrong," Natasha said gravely during breakfast. Their parents decided to use Tony's spacious fitness room.  
"Clint?" Tony's smile vanished. She nodded.  
"He's avoiding us," Phil nursed his cup of coffee. Even his parents noticed that something was wrong. His mother was a teacher and she had a sixth sense for changes in moods and dynamics.  
"Well," Steve looked slightly guilty. "We don't pay him much attention. Clint hates being ignored."  
"He doesn't look happy," Bruce put down his newspaper. "He was unhappy long before they came back."

"He said he's scared of the day they have to leave, maybe that's part of the reason?" Tony picked up the newspaper Bruce placed on the table.  
"Maybe," Phil sighed thoughtfully. "I miss him," he confessed.

What's wearing you out so badly? Why do you ignore me? Dodging my offers to spend time with me, and my family.

Tony smirked, his naughty I-know-what-you're-thinking-you-old-dog kind of smirk, "I could arrange a little quality time for you."  
"Believe me Mr. Stark I have enough time to spare for a few rounds between the sheets." Steve spit out some of his coffee while Tony's eyes went huge. They didn't expect that.  
Tony wanted to put in his two cents but Phil's phone beat him to that, "Coulson. Yes, sir. When? I understand. What now? Okay. Thank you sir."

"What happened?" Natasha's body language told them that she was ready to leave.  
"Charles Bernard Barton escaped from prison, two hours ago." Phil held his phone so tight he could feel the plastic crack in his hand.  
"Any traces?" Tony's mood turned serious. No one threatened his friends, absolutely no one.  
"No, he vanished from the face of earth."  
"How did he manage to escape?" Natasha was surprised.  
"He paid a few guards, collaborated with two inmates who have mighty friends outside of prison,..."  
"Who else escaped?" Steve was making plans inside his head.  
"No one," Phil licked his lips. "Char- Barney knocked them out and left them behind. Neatly tied up for the security team to find. He never intended to free other villains."  
"What does he expect of all this?" Tony was confused, why should Barney flee without his companions?

"He's on his way here," Phil was sure of that. "To see his parents."  
"Sounds plausible," Tony agreed. "How do we tell him about..."  
"Tell what?" Clint wandered into the kitchen wearing his ever present shades and long sleeved shirt.  
"Barney escaped from prison and will show up soon," Natasha blurted out. There was no easy way to tell him about what happened.

Clint seemed to stop breathing, paling visibly, "He can't come."  
"He wants to see your parents, I can understand he takes the risk to see them one more time." Steve said empathically, his urge to see the good side in people won again.  
"Keep him away," the archer crossed his arms in front of his chest. "It's your security system there is no way he finds a way inside, right?"  
"You find your way too without alarming JARVIS," Tony stated a fact.  
"He likes me and turns a blind sensor," the AI became something like a friend.  
"If you say so," Tony huffed.

"Clint," Phil got up and pulled Clint into his strong arms. "He will come and he will find a way." There's nothing I can do.

"I know." The tower wasn't safe as long as their parents stayed there and Barney should know that. Clint had an idea why Barney escaped but it was rather wishful thinking than reality. The hard truth was most probably that Barney knew Clint had hit rock bottom and that made him an easy target.

"I'll keep you safe, do you understand?" Phil was honest and Clint felt a pang of guilt for hiding the truth from his lover but he was ashamed of himself, ashamed of his past and present self. He was ashamed of being who he was. Clinton Francis low life Barton, black sheep of the Barton family.

"You can't protect me from everything but I appreciate your willingness to try." Clint cupped Phil's cheek in his hands, kissing him gently. "I love you so much."  
Coulson frowned, "I love you too."  
"I know that," I know and I love you for that. I love you for who you are. "I have to tell my parents."  
"Do that. We will make plans." I kill him if I have to.  
"Do that," he smiled lovingly. Clint knew that Phil wouldn't rest until Barney was behind bars again. "See you later," he started humming. He wanted to see his brother but the timing was all wrong.  
"See ya," Tony waved absentmindedly before he started a huge discussion about security measures, software and weapon upgrades.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Close cell 24-36," the guardian yelled to his comrade. "Request denied Barton. Too bad."  
Barney glared at the warden but kept his mouth shut to avoid trouble, he wasn't worth it. Jones was an idiot who loved to provoke prisoners. 

He sat on his bunk, his back rested against the cold wall. Fury said that Clint was the one who refused to give him the chance to see their parents. The answer to the why was no secret. Barney knew Clint felt obligated to protect him, there was nothing he could do to make Clint hate him. Killing the agent he adored so much would probably do the trick but that was out of question. Clint loved the man and Barney wouldn't take that away from him. He deserved to be loved.

Barney, he closed his eyes seeing his baby brother smile at him, his broad cheerful smile, where are you going? He was on his way to a friend he made in school. He had told Clint that he couldn't take him with him, that he had to stay at home. Okay, Have fun! Clint had said with a wide gap-toothed grin. So much time has passed since then but Barney couldn't forgive himself for leaving that day. There was nothing suspicious about the mood at home, so he greeted his parents and went straight into his room just in case his father decided to hit him for being five minutes late.

He knew something was wrong the moment he opened the door to the room he shared with Clint. His brother was asleep but his breathing sounded off. Barney turned on the little nightlight, holding it close to Clint's still form. Barney squeezed his eyes shut remembering Clint's happy face. Clint's right eye was swollen shut, his lip split.  
His little wrist looked swollen and blue, on so did his jaw.  
Barney pulled the blanket carefully away, afraid to wake his baby bro.

He lifted up the Captain America shirt, revealing bruises on his ribcage.  
What scared him most was the blood leaking from his ear, it was almost dry but it was a bad sign. He turned Clint around giving a damn if he woke him or not. Both sides were crusted with dry blood.

Clint, Clint. Wake up baby boy, wake up, he shook his brother who opened his eyes. Barney? He mumbled sleepily. Clint, are you alright? He got no reply, his little brother looked at him with big frightened eyes. Clint? Tears welled up in his eyes, it was the day Clint lost his hearing.

His father beat him senseless, taking his hearing away the moment his little head connected with the hard floor. Barney was so angry that he stormed into the living room and punched his dad in the face. He was small but he took his father by surprise the old man didn't see that one coming. Barney took the beating he got with pride in his eyes. It was worth it.

His mother drove to Wisconsin where no one knew them, she brought Clint into the emergency room and vanished with him after the treatment was over. She was sure the police was on their way so she had to be fast or else she would have lost her kids.

Clint got hearing aids but Barney stole a book about sign language. They needed months until they were able to communicate with help of their hands. It was their secret. The strangest thing of all was that Clint never blamed him for what happened. He never blamed for leaving him alone with dad. He never blamed him for hiding at a friend's house, escaping the hell hole they called home, at least for a few hours. No, instead his broad smile returned after he got over the shock and asked, was it fun? Barney never visited them again.

"Clint," Barney's mind raced. He had to find a way out of jail, he would deal with the consequences later. "I'm coming," hold on.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint went missing for two days after he left to tell his parents about Barney. Phil walked up to Clint's floor five times but Mr. and Mrs. Barton never invited him in. They said Clint was taking a shower, making dinner, sleeping or wasn't in the mood for visitors.

 

It was not right, Clint came to Phil whenever he was sad, or Natasha. Phil was Clint's safe haven and he couldn't imagine that their parents presence made such a difference.

"Dear, I have to tell you something." Martha interrupted their movie night. She had declined the invitation to watch a movie together at first but she couldn't live with her suspicion any longer, she had to tell him.  
"Yes, mom?"  
"I noticed a few things the last two and a half weeks, I feel obligated to share with you. I should have done that sooner but I wasn't 100 percent sure."

"And now you are?" Phil's eyes were glued to his mother. Her gentle features were obscured by worry and guilt. He had never seen her that way before.  
"I am," she confirmed. "There was a boy in my class many years ago. Clint reminds me of him. The kid concealed most body parts, he avoided body contact and crowds. He hid behind a mask of false happiness."  
"Mom, come to the point please," he had a vague idea what his mother tried to say.  
"I believe your boy gets abused," her eyes softened. Tears shimmered in her eyes. She could see her son's heart break. Crack, crack, crack.

"WHAT?" Tony yelled, jumping up from the couch. "JARVIS."  
"Barton asked for privacy," the AI answered.  
"Ignore his request and scan the room."  
Phil was already out of his chair and on his way to Clint, followed by his friends by the time JARVIS replied.

He didn't bother to knock and ordered JARVIS to open the damn door.  
They heard yelling and crying from the living room. Their hearts stopped for a painful moment as they caught sight of Clint. Laying on the ground, unmoving and with glassy eyes. He stared into nothing while his father let go of him, yelling at his wife.

Steve moved like a flash and took Harold into a tight hold, restraining him. Martha and Anja tended to Mrs. Barton and her bloody nose. Phil wanted to reach out for Clint so badly but he couldn't move at all. He jerked as a loud crash echoed through the room, a blond man crashed through the window, landing in a pile of glass. Glaring murderously at Harold, who struggled against Steve's tight grip.

"Barney," his mother cried. "Oh my boy."  
The man ignored her, crouching down next to Clint instead. "Hey baby brother," he said softly, taking his kid brother into his arms. Cradling him like a child, "I came as fast I could, his security system is a bitch."

Tears glittered in their Hawk's eyes, "No, no. Let go of me." He panted weakly, "Don't, don't."  
Barney kissed the top of Clint's head, "I'm here to protect you," he whispered.  
"You shouldn't be here, you should be in jail. Safe." They finally understood Clint's reason behind denying his brother's request. It wasn't about his criminal activities and their feud, it was Clint's desperate try to protect his brother for once.

"You're the small one, I don't need your protection but you need mine."  
Clint stopped his halfhearted struggle against his brother's embrace, "missed ya. Missed ya so much."  
"I know," the older Barton boy rocked back and forth, starting to sing very softly.

It was the tune Clint was humming for weeks whenever he was sad and all of it started to make sense. Clint was thinking about his brother all this time, wishing for his return. Phil finally recognized the melody, "Lean on me" by Bill Withers (A./N.: of course not mine, feel free to pick your favorite version of the song. That is assuming you like it, if not, sorry.)

Clint wrapped his arms around his brother and started weeping, hot and bitter tears of pain and relief. A neighbor taught them how to sing and how meaningful a single song could be.

A song could offer comfort, help you cope with life or make you happy. Their neighbor was a reverend and led the gospel choir in town. They loved to listen to them. They hid next to the church, close to the back window and listened. Sometimes for hours when life was too much to bear.

The music made them feel good, it gave them something to believe in because the singers believed in what they sang. The reverend caught them one day and offered to teach them a few skills. Their dad put a stop to it one month after but the reverend never stopped caring. He came looking for them every day, he never talked to them when their parents were around but he watched them like a Hawk. He made them feel important.

Barney chose Lean on me as his favorite and sang it to Clint whenever he cried, bruised and battered from his daddy's outburst. The song had a meaning back then, it had a meaning during their time in the orphanage but it lost its power during their time as carnies and the spell broke the day Barney turned his back on Clint, leaving him behind.

Clint realized that he was wrong, Barney never stopped caring, he never stopped loving his baby brother, he never stopped being his big protective brother. His threats and attacks were his way to bring them closer together, it was the only way Barney could think of to be close to his brother after he abandoned him. He never intended to truly hurt Clint it was just a game born out of insecurity and shame.

"Shut up boy you're not a child," Harold ordered. "And you stop crying you big baby. You're such a child. Man up you dumb shit. I raised you to be a man not a wimp."  
"Shut up old man," Barney glared daggers at his father. "It's enough. Two and a half weeks, how many bones have you broken? How many old wounds have you reopened? He's highly traumatized by you. You broke him before he had the chance to turn five!"

Harold huffed, "A few hits never hurt anyone. Made you tough, didn't it?"  
"I love you," Clint raised his voice. "I love you but I'm so fucking glad you're dead," his voice broke. Feeling guilty for his feelings.

Phil hated himself for not seeing it sooner, he should have know. After all those years he should have known. The signs were as clear as day, his low self-esteem, his ill manners, his urge to please Phil, the way his body tensed the first few years after they met whenever he got touched, the way Clint looked when someone caught him off guard, his perfect masks; well chosen to suit every situation. He never talked about his parents, his request not to see his parents, the lack of life in his eyes and expression whenever he was confronted with high requirements of family life. Phil blamed himself so much he felt sick.

Gerald asked Barney very carefully if he gets permission to check his brother for injuries, he was a doctor and being dead didn't change his skills and knowledge.  
Barney studied the man with narrowed eyes, "Okay." He let go of his brother but stayed close, just in case.

Gerald helped Clint out of his shirt, his torso was a mix of bruises, old and new. Two ribs felt cracked. The older Banner looked at Clint's back as Barney's and Phil's eyes went wide. There was a boot shaped bruise on the right side of his back. Tony fumed, the only person between him and that bastard of Barton was his own father who held him in place with one hand on his shoulder. His mother returned to the room with a first aid kit and wet towels, the look in her eyes was deadly. The women in the room felt their maternal instinct scream for justice inside their hearts.

The fathers were struggling with themselves not to commit murder, especially Phil's dad who really liked his son-in-law.  
"I had a concussion a while ago," Clint confessed, wincing as Dr. Banner senior touched his back.  
"Your face is so bruised I wouldn't be surprised you have another one," the man sighed deeply. "He needs a hospital, there is a hard spot on his abdomen. I'm afraid the beating caused inner bleedings."

That was enough for Barney to snap, he hurried over to his father before anyone could stop him and punched him in the face, twice. Steve could have prevented it but he was more than satisfied with Barney's action.

"Leave us be, stop haunting us," the older brother yelled. "He has enough issues and traumas to last ten lifetimes. I definitely have enough issues to last ten lifetimes. We can't do this anymore," his baby brother was damaged, he always was no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

No matter how hard Barney tried to fix it. That was one of the many reasons he left. Barney knew he made wrong choices and was not what Clint needed. He needed stability and people he could rely on and Barney knew he was not reliable and he couldn't offer stability, their life wasn't what Clint deserved. He deserved what he had now, a loving fiancé, friends and a home.

They were reliable and could provide the stability Clint needed to make peace with his past. One of the first things he noticed when he first saw Clint and that Coulson guy together was how well his baby brother looked. The older man was permitted to touch him, he was able to make his brother smile, he obeyed without fear and he looked truly happy around Coulson. The man had a good influence on his brother, "Mr. Coulson. Would you be so kind and accompany my brother to the hospital?" He tried to be nice to the man who loved his brother so dearly.

Phil felt honored that Barney put enough trust in him to entrust his little brother into his care, "Of course. I'll keep him safe."  
"YOU," Edith yelled. "What have you done to your dad you ungrateful bastard." Barney caught a sharp blow with the open hand to the head. He froze the moment she raised her voice and couldn't move to protect himself.

He ducked his head afterwards, getting hit by his mother was rather rare, if you could call twice a month rare, "Mom."  
Clint was up and about in no time, "Leave him be." He pushed his brother aside, protecting him with his own body.

"Are you threatening me? You can barely stand on your own." Her eyes sent mixed signals, sadness, anger, fear. Phil guessed that she was so used to protect her husband that she couldn't think strait out of fear. They all were scared of him.

"Clint, back down. Get your ass to the hospital. You're man is waiting," Barney gave Phil a nod.  
"Come with me," Phil touched his lover very carefully. Touching his bruised torso was out of question and his arms were covered with bruises too, they were covered by fingerprints and marks that look suspiciously like burns. Probably from cigarettes. He cupped the back of Clint's neck, leading him out of the room and down to the parking lot. Their walk was silent and kind of awkward, the tension between them clearly noticeable.

"I'm sorry," Clint eyes were fixed on the ground.  
"What for?" The apology felt so wrong, Clint was the last person who had a reason to say 'I'm sorry'.  
"That you had to see that."  
"It's not your fault."  
"I should have told you."  
"I should have known anyway."  
"It's not your fault."  
"Neither is it yours. And now get in the car before you bleed out internally." Phil placed a kiss on top of Clint's head after he fastened his archer's seatbelt.  
"Thank you for staying," Clint lost consciousness before Phil got the chance to reply.

::::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint listened to the voices in his room, trying to figure out how he ended up in medical again. There was no mission, nor villains or accident. Dad, he sat up like a flash, "Oww, damn."

What surprised him were the two pairs of arms on him, Phil and someone else. He looked around while he gasped for air, "Barney," he choke out. What was his brother doing here?

Nick took the older Barton into custody and accepted his request to visit his brother before he went back to jail, without putting up a fight.

"We're here," he glanced briefly at the older agent. "They're gone."  
They're gone, Clint's eyes filled with tears. It hurt, losing them again hurt like hell. He wanted his mommy, and in a sick way even his daddy. "Mommy?" He looked disorientated and confused, the pain medication was very potent.

"She's gone again," Barney sat down on the edge of the bed. Pulling Clint against his side. "Amora made her spell undone."

The women in the room decided to leave and grant them some space, they order their men to follow. Only the Avengers ignored their mothers wishes, they stayed no matter what.

Steve had told his mom that he never had kids of his own until Clint entered his life, the archer was his to protect and care for. There was something about the Barton kid that pulled on his protective streak.

Tony agreed, that Clint was special. He was the little brother he always wanted. The statement almost got him a hit to the head as Barney overheard them but to their surprise he didn't comment on Steve's statement, he gave him a look that seemed almost thankful.

To keep himself out of trouble Bruce kept his mouth shut about his brotherly feelings towards the archer.

Natasha on the other hand was on the safe side, she was a woman. She wasn't competing with him about Clint's love. Barney was the number one, she was close but he and Coulson were on the top and that was a fact he could live with.

Phil sat down on the other side of the bed and took one of Clint's hands into his own, "You're safe. No one will hurt you. We make sure of that."

"Phil," Clint's head rested against his big brother's broad chest and he had to tilt his head a little to look into his lover's eyes. "I wasn't ready to tell you, I'm not sure I would ever have."  
"It's okay," Barney had told Phil a lot about their childhood. It was cruel and wrong on so many levels. "I still love you, nothing can change that. I can work with what I know, to help you and myself cope. I know you don't want me to fix you but I think I can glue a few pieces back together if you let me."

"What happens with Barney?" He listened to his brother's heartbeat.  
"I'll go back to jail," the older Barton answered for Phil. "I made a deal with the director. I can stay with you until you recover but I have to return to jail without running away."

"Take the chance," Clint whispered. Phil heard his words but didn't comment on it, he wouldn't stop Bernard, he loved Clint too much to do so and Bernard deserved a chance after all he had done for the archer. After all their disputes Trickshot took on all the trouble to break out of jail with the intention to protect his younger brother, ignoring the knowledge about future consequences for his doing. Taking the risk to extend his sentence.

"No," the older brother shook his head. "I'm done running."  
"Me too," Clint took a deep breath and winced. "Ow."  
"Where does it hurt?" Phil and Barney asked.  
"You mean where does it not hurt, that's easier to figure out."  
"You have two cracked ribs and had to undergo surgery to fix your inner bleedings. Gerald was right about the extent of your injuries. You have a hairline fracture in your cheekbone but I think you know that already." Phil kissed his archer's temple, "the laceration above your eye won't leave a scar and your organs are fine. You need a lot of rest and time to make a full recovery."

"How often Clint? How often did he beat you up while we were just a floor away?" Steve felt guilty for not seeing what happened right under their nose.  
Clint remained silent, closing his eyes.

"Knowing our dad once a day. One hit here one hit there, a bunch of punches every other day," Barney was lost in his memories. "I think we visited every hospital in Iowa, because the doctors in our local hospital started to question our mom. We even visited hospitals in Wisconsin and Kansas."

"They didn't call CPS?" Tony decided to raise a found for abused children, maybe he would open up a few orphanages too, for kids like Clint.

"They came the day our parents died in a car accident, dad was drunk. They picked us up and left us in front of the orphanage. Without goodbye or good luck. We were on our own, suddenly I was responsible for him. I always felt responsible for him but it was different. I was eight, how was I supposed to care for him? How was I supposed to know what he needed? With eighteen I failed him for good, and I ran." He didn't know why he told them all that but it felt right. Clint trusted them so they deserved some of his trust too. They took care of his baby brother for so long.

"I'm sorry," Clint leaned away from Barney. Taking a few deep breaths to ease the pain before he lay down.  
"What are you sorry for?" The older Barton had a vague idea.  
"For the beatings you got because of me, for destroying your life, for being a burden, for... for being born," he closed his eyes but his tears found their way down his cheeks nonetheless.  
Barney was speechless, looking at Coulson for help but the other man was just as baffled as Trisckshot.

"We are happy about your existence," Tony felt the need to say something.  
Clint snorted.  
"I would be dead without you, you stopped Coulson to liquidate me. I can't picture my life without you. You're the person I'm closest to in our dysfunctional family," Natasha's eyes were suspiciously wet.

"Leave me alone," Clint took a shaky breath. "Leave me be, please."  
They hesitated for a moment but considered it wiser to respect Clint's wish, so they left him alone. They waited in front of the room, no one dared to leave medical.  
"What now?" Bruce crossed his arms in front of his chest.  
"We wait," Barney slumped into one of the hard plastic chairs.

"It's our fault," Tony rubbed his forehead. He could deal with a lot of things but not with guilt.  
"It was his decision," Barney wasn't happy about the fact that they pushed Clint into doing it but it wasn't their fault alone. It was entirely Harold's fault and his mom's.

"I get us coffee," Natasha announced and dragged Bruce along. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts.

"Was it always that way?" Steve couldn't imagine how a father was able to abuse his own children, he couldn't remember his father hitting him even though he drank and hit his mom.

"Depended on his mood, and alcohol intake. He blamed mom for getting us. Telling her that they should have killed us after birth, 'cause it's cheaper than paying for an abortion. Sometimes I think they hated him more than they hated me, I don't know why. Maybe because he's the younger one, or because of his blinding smile, the happiness on his face. I needed a long time to figure out that most of his smiles were an act to make me, and the people around him, happy. He's curios too. Dad never liked that. Clint always wanted to know how things worked. Why is the sky blue? How does a car engine work? How operate power stations?... One day he stopped asking. He didn't dare to ask how the magic tricks work even though our magician was a kind man. I asked for him, to make him happy. It got harder and harder to make him happy because I knew when he lied so he stopped pretending for a while."

"What makes him happy?" Tony was ready to do what was necessary to organize whatever it was that made the archer happy.  
"Company. Learning. Affection."  
"He loves to sing," Phil added. "He isn't a fan of body contact but he loves cuddling, he's a little touchy-feely around people he likes." Coulson had seen him cuddle with Nat during missions when he felt lonely and lean into Tony's personal space when he was showing him something. Phil tried to hold his archer every day before they went to bed and before they had to get up, making sure Clint felt loved.

A soft click interrupted their conversation, Barton's door opened. "What are you doing?" Tony chided, "go back to bed."

Barney sighed, 'What the hell are you doing?' He formed the sentence with his hands. He was a little rusty after all those years but his sign language was still understandable.

Clint replied with his hands too, ignoring his friends confusion. 'I want to go home.'  
'You need rest and medical attention. It's too early to go home.'  
'I suffocate in here, the walls are closing in. I hate medical.'  
'Let me handle that,' Phil joined in. He learned sign language in case Clint's hearing aid malfunctioned during a mission, and because he had a crush on the archer back then, 'I'm sure I can negotiate with Doctor Blake. He hates having you here,' Coulson winked.

"O-kay, what's going on here?" Tony looked from Coulson to Clint and then to Barney.  
"He lost his hearing when he was around four and a half. Dad hit him so hard that it caused severe injuries," the older Barton ruffled Clint's hair.

"Hey," he punched his brother lightly in the shoulder. 'Don't look that way. I know what you're thinking, stop it.'  
'Love you too asshole.'  
'That's better,' Clint smiled a little. He couldn't move the muscles in his face without causing a huge amount of pain even when he wanted to. "I could use some morphine."

"I get the doc," Steve hurried to the front desk. The revelation about Clint's deafness shook them to the core. He was deaf in consequence of abuse, he had serious issues and was broken.

They knew nothing about all this, they called themselves his friends but they were too blind to see what was right in front of them. The urge to be loved, his increasing curiosity, his smiles and smirks whenever it seemed inappropriate. They yelled at him and he smiled, they threw punches at him and he smirked, they questioned his personality and he drew back with a smile at first before he broke under the pressure.

"Go back to bed until we manage to get you out of here," Phil grabbed Clint's hand.  
"Yes, sir."

Barney froze a moment but the tone in his brother's voice was different. There was no fear connected to the word, sir. It was an endearment. Coulson managed somehow to take away the fear that clung to the word.

"You're coming?" Clint looked hopefully at his big brother. He wanted more time with him.  
"On my way," he permitted himself to smile.

::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint had to stay for two more days before they agreed to release him into Phil's care. Tony had replaced the window and the blood stained carpet. The couch was new too, but Clint couldn't remember it got dirty.

"Seems Tony brought your stuff back in our apartment while we were gone," Phil looked around.

"Yeah, nice of him to buy clothes for Barney," Tony assigned the apartment to the older Barton. They had circa two more weeks before he had to go back to jail.

"I owe him one," Barney inspected the dresser. "I owe him big time. How am I supposed to pay him back? I can't afford one of these shirts."  
"Don't worry. Tony doesn't work that way. He does things like that for free, because he considers me a friend and that makes you special too." The archer lowered himself down on the couch. His body was sore and ached at every move.

"Let me help," Phil and Barney spoke at the same time while they reached out for Clint, simultaneously.

"That's scary," Clint wore an amused expression. "I'm not made of glass."  
"I know," they said in unison again. Barney shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other while Phil tried avoid to look at Trickshot.

"I love you guys," he chuckled. It was strange how much his life had changed since their time in the circus. He fought on the right side of the law, he had Phil and Natasha, he befriended real heroes, and his brother didn't hate him after all. Life wasn't that bad.

Both men opened their mouth and looked at each other before they closed their mouths again, Clint laughed as their cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. "Ow, ow, ow, don't make me laugh."  
"We didn't," Phil pouted. He was so cute when he did that.  
'Idiots'  
"Jail was less strenuous," Barney suppressed his smirk but the twitch in the corner of his mouth gave him away.

A loud knock on the door interrupted their conversation, the noise took Clint by surprise and he ducked, raising his arms in front of his face to protect it.

Phil drew his gun and gave Barney a nod before he headed for the door. Barney held a knife in his hand, standing between his brother and the entrance of the living room.

"Who's there?" Phil touched the doorknob turning it slightly as a familiar voice rung out. "What are you doing here Rogers?"

The super soldier was surprised to be greeted with a gun in front of his face, "Dinner is ready and Tony insisted that I get you."

Phil put the gun away, hiding it inside his suit, "It's okay." He led Steve into the living room, where Barney slipped the knife back into its hiding place.

Clint folded his hands behind his head, taking deep breaths to calm his hammering heart.  
"Clint?" Phil rubbed his lover's back. "In and out. In and out. Good."  
"Geez," he sighed. "That's embarrassing."  
"It's not," Steve felt a silly sense of guilt for startling his friend. "It's a normal reaction to the past events."  
"Ol' man, I needed years to stop flinching every time Phil reached out for me. I needed months not to shy away from a kiss because my mind was waiting for a hit. All the progresses I made the last decade are gone."

Phil had thought back then that Clint had an abusive ex-boyfriend or he was raped, he learned that he wasn't so wrong about both his suspicions but the thought that Clint's experience with violence went back into his early childhood never crossed his mind. "You handle my touches pretty well this time," Phil frowned.  
"I trust you with all I have. You're not dangerous, not for me. No regresses between us of that I'm sure."  
Phil rewarded Clint's trust with a kiss, "we shouldn't let them wait."

They went down to the communal floor where a pile of pancakes awaited them.  
'Pancakes?' Clint loved confusing his friends with sign language. 'For Dinner?'  
'You love pancakes,' Barney replied. 'So use their generosity as long as you can.'  
'You did that,' Clint saw the smug smirk on his handler's face. 'Do they think it's their own idea?'  
'Of course.'

The three men started laughing, ignoring their fellow housemates.  
It felt so good to hear the archer laugh, the tower was way too quiet without his laugh, happy chatter and curiosity.

The tower lost its life during Clint's absence of happiness, the lab was a boring place and Tony missed teaching Clint how things work.

Their talks, their laughter, the ideas they came up with, the joy on Clint's face when he got what Tony was saying. Tony took all these little things for granted but they were not, he had to work for it. He had to be a good friend to deserve Clint's attention and only friends could conjure true smiles on their friends faces.

Steve missed Clint during movie nights, the gym felt empty too but movie night was worse. The way Clint laughed with the protagonists, the way his eyes mirrored the sadness of the actors, the animated way he talked about scenes or actors he liked.  
Steve had to realize the hard way that movie night wasn't about movies it was about being together. Safe and sound.

Bruce on the other hand hated cooking alone, it wasn't fun at all. It was too quiet and his food didn't turn out as well as he was used to. He had the suspicion that the phrase about cooking food with love to make it taste better was kind of true. His heat wasn't in it because he missed the archer and so was dinner since their dispute. Quiet, bland and loveless.

"Where are your parents?" Clint hoped he didn't ruin their get together and forced them apart before their month ended.  
"Nick introduces them to S.H.I.E.L.D. to gain an insight in our daily life," Natasha explained. Clint deserved some time with them, without parents and questions.

"Your dad will love R&D," Clint pecked his lover on the lip. Coulson told him many years ago that his father was a soldier when he was young and loved weapons.  
"No doubt," Phil kissed back. "Come eat, we have plans today."  
"What plans?"  
"Surprise," Phil knew Clint hated surprises but he wasn't sorry. "Just you and me," and the others.  
"Please nothing too exciting, okay?"  
"Just a little," Phil glanced over at Barney who gave him a brief smile filled with kindness.

Phil urged Clint to wear his best suit for their date, he knew the archer wasn't a fan of them but this time it was necessary. The archer looked gorgeous in his black suit and the white dress shirt. Clint preferred the gray shirt but Phil convinced him that the white one was more suitable for what he had planned.

Phil's phone buzzed and he gave Clint an apologetic look, "We have to pay the Helicarrier a short visit before we can go on our date."  
"It's okay," Clint pecked Phil on the lip. "As long as we don't end up in the middle of Budapest again."  
Phil winced, "We shared our first kiss there."  
"And we bled over each other. I'm still surprised we survived." Clint let his hand trace over the side of Phil's abdomen, there was scar from one of the bullets which hit him during the mission. Clint had been sure they were going to die and it was okay, because Phil was there with him.

Phil placed a hand on Clint's chest where the bullet had hit his archer, "We're stubborn."  
"That we are," Clint couldn't stop looking Phil in the eye. He loved these beautiful blue orbs and the love he could see in them every time he looked.  
"Let's go," Coulson took Clint's hand and led him to the jet Nick sent for them.

Clint's jaw dropped as they emerged the jet. His friends and their families were standing on deck. Dressed in suits and evening dresses, even the high ranking S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, like Hill and Sitwell. He was so surprised that he couldn't get his body into motion, he just stood in front of the jet with a dumbstruck expression on his face and a blank mind.  
"Come," Steve offered Clint his hand. The archer took it after a long suspicious look, "What's going on?"  
Steve smiled his gentlest smile, "your wedding my boy."

"My..." He looked around again, there was an aisle and altar, and a reverend. It was reverend Blake, their reverend. Barney stood next to the reverend, dressed in a tailored suit, smiling at him. On the other side stood Phil, waiting for him. Clint hadn't realized that Phil left his side at all. Nick stood close to him, being his best man. Mr. and Mrs. Coulson sat in the first row together with Natasha and Tony.

Martha had tears in her eyes, tears of joy. She was so glad to witness her boy's wedding with the man he loved so dearly. Patrick's eyes were watery too, he gave Clint a encouraging smile. Steve led Clint down the aisle. The Helicarrier hovered over the Hudson River, the sun was setting and produced a warm orange light. Starting to paint the horizon in pink, blue and orange.

"Hey Clint," the reverend smiled. "I'm glad to see you turned out so well."  
"Thanks to you, you have a big part in it." Clint swallowed hard, his mouth was dry and he couldn't stop trembling.  
Phil took Clint's hand, holding it tight. "Let us begin before someone intervenes with our wedding." Villains had a sixth sense for destroying big plans.

The reverend nodded and began his speech, telling them how happy he was and what a fine couple they made.

Phil spoke his carefully prepared vow, telling Clint how much he loved him and how glad he was to have him in his life.

Clint wasn't sure what to say, he had no vow he could read and his mind was blank. Barney nudged him gently in the side. "Let your heart speak," he whispered.

And that Clint did, he told Phil how thankful he was to have met him, how much he thanked god for sending him an angel, who became his savior and best friend. He moved them all to tears, even his big brother who made a vow inside his head. He would protect his brother and his husband with his life.

"You can kiss the groom," reverend Blake wiped a tear away.  
Clint wrapped his arms around Phil and put all his love into the kiss, taking Phil's breath away. "I love you, I love you, I love you."  
"I hope so," Phil gave him a watery but happy smile. "I'll never let you go," he combed his fingers through Clint's hair.

"Oh my dear," Martha appeared beside them, enclosing Clint into a hug. He tensed in her arms, panicking. "Hush," she stroke his back, "hush my boy. You're safe, you're my boy now."  
Clint relaxed in her arms, "I love your son with all my heart."  
"I know you do. I can see that, he loves you too." She sniffled softly, "No matter what you have done in the past, no matter how ashamed you feel, let me tell you that I'm proud of you. Patrick too. You are a fine young man and don't listen when someone tries to tell you otherwise. You were a criminal, okay." She shrugged, "a misguided youth, happens to the best of us. Beaten as a child, that shouldn't have happened and the people around you should have intervened. It's not your fault and not yours," she look at Barney. "I'm happy to welcome you into our family, and I never lie."  
"Thank you," his heart was breaking at the thought that they were leaving soon. Leaving them behind once more. "I'm proud to be part of your family."

"Welcome," Patrick gave him a gentle pat on the back in hope not to scare the kid.  
"Thank you," Clint smiled. Phil put his arms around Clint, pulling his archer's back against his chest while he crossed his arms in front of Clint's chest, resting his chin on his husband's shoulder.

"I get us something to drink," Barney nodded and left them alone.  
"Barney," Clint called out. The older Barton stopped for a moment.  
"Thank you," Clint was glad that his brother attended his wedding. "Thank you for everything." He was thankful for all his brother had done for him when they were younger and what he did for him these past days.  
"Always," the older Barton avoided eye contact and left for the makeshift bar. Wondering how simple it was to pretend nothing ever happened. It was like back in the days when they were children. Always together, watching out for each other. Barney liked that, very much. He was looking forward to the day they'd release him from prison. Maybe he was still welcome to join Clint and his friends. If not he would be utterly lost.

"The wedding is beautiful," Clint watched his brother go. "It was indeed a surprise. A huge surprise."  
"We delay the wedding for a while now and I thought having them around was a good reason to just do it. Nick and Tony were a big help." He had been scared Clint would say no or run. It was not fair to make the decision without Clint but Phil needed to prove something.

He needed to prove that he wouldn't leave, no matter what. They're in it together, there was no way out.

"How did you find reverend Blake? I last saw him when I was five."  
"Tony found him for you," Phil replied, rubbing his cheek against Clint's. "He still lives there. We asked him if he remembered you and he said yes, instantly. He asked a lot of questions about you and it wasn't necessary to ask twice if he was willing to marry us off."  
"I thought he had long forgotten we exist."  
"He was looking for you, after your parents died. He wanted to know where you were, he wanted to keep you in town but he wasn't able to find you."

Clint let out a bark of laughter, "I wished for parents like Mr. Blake and his wife all my young life but in the end I'm glad he didn't find us." There was a underlying sadness in his voice.  
"Why?"  
"I wouldn't be here," was the simple answer.

Phil unconsciously tightened his hug, Clint was right. He wouldn't be with S.H.I.E.L.D. had Blake adopted them. He wouldn't be an archer, asset, hero and his husband. Phil would have never met Clint, that thought was scary. Clint would lead a normal life, without him, without danger and death on their doorstep. A small part of his mind regretted that Clint became an assassin instead of an engineer for example, the other part, the huge part, was just glad the archer had joined Carson's Carnival.

"I'm glad too," Clint could read in Coulson's face like in a book. "I wouldn't change it even if I could. I'm happy where I am."  
"Nice to know," a different answer would have broken his heart. "Time for our dance."  
Blake's gospel choir entered the deck and got ready to sing for them.  
"They're here, too?"  
"Sure," Phil let go of his archer. "Go big or go home."

Clint chuckled, beaming at Phil while he followed his husband to the dance floor.  
The choir sang every song associated to weddings, like 'Everything I do', 'I swear', 'One moment in time' and many more loving and happy songs. For Clint and Barney they ended their concert with 'Lean on me', Phil waved the older Barton over so he could dance with his brother but Trickshot had other plans.

Coulson was now part of the family so he had the right to be part of their ritual. He put his arms around Clint and Phil, forming a little circle. The look on the agent's face was priceless when he realized what was happening. Clint just smiled happily while he hugged the two most important people in his life.

The Avengers and their families formed a protecting circle around them swaying arm in arm, while the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents decided to form a second protection wall around the couple and Barney. S.H.I.E.L.D. was a family too, highly dysfunctional and questionable but loyal nonetheless. They took care of their own.

The wedding on deck of the Helicarrier became legendary and gave Phil's and Clint's reputation a boost. They were so special that Nick Fury himself organized the wedding, together with Stark of all people, and he attended the wedding as agent Coulson's best man. Fury even granted a villain entry to the Helicarrier, letting him out of jail to attend his younger brother's wedding. No one dared to cross their path when they knew what was best for them. The message was clear.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The day they had to say farewell approached way to soon.

Barney decided to stay away from the sad event and hid in his room to avoid them. He dreaded the day he had to leave his kid brother behind. He got used to care for him again. Lurking in the shadows and offering his shoulder to lean on. He felt a little uncomfortable around Clint's friends but he was ready to pay the price of watchful eyes following his every move as long as he could be around Clint.

Tony had tears in his eyes when his mother hugged him goodbye before she faded away into nothing just like his dad. Steve was devastated by his mother's disappearance but he was grateful for the short amount of time the goddess granted them.

 

Natasha wasn't so sure the month had been a good idea, Clint's lie about being scared of the day they had to leave seemed not so absurd anymore. She knew she should be grateful for the chance to get to know her parents, because she was so small when they died that she could barely remember what kind of people they had been. But truth was that it hurt just as much as it had hurt back then. Maybe even more so.

Bruce was silent, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. His logic told him that it was normal to mourn the dead again and that he knew they had to part after these for weeks but his heart had other ideas. It cried and raged.

Clint watched Phil say his last goodbye to his parents, the older agent tried to be strong for his parents so they wouldn't have to worry about his peace of mind but parents knew such things no matter how hard you tried to pretend. Martha kissed Phil's cheek and caressed his back, whispering soothing words. Patrick pulled Phil into a tight hug, clinging to his son for a long moment before he cupped Phil's cheeks with his hands, telling him firmly to never forget that they're proud of him, a fact he couldn't change no matter what he did, and that they loved him, very much. To Clint's surprise they hugged and kissed them too, telling him to be strong and proud of his self.

"We don't want to see you anytime soon," Martha took both their hands into her own. "Don't join us without the other, and we don't want to see you enter the realm of the dead before you're very, very old and wrinkled."  
"Yes, ma'am," Clint kissed her cheek. "I'll protect him," he whispered before he pulled back. She gave him a gentle smile, "I know my boy. There's no doubt you will. And call me Martha."  
"Martha," Clint said her name with such tenderness that a shiver ran down her spine. She didn't want to go, she wanted to hold the boy, cuddle and spoil him rotten. Patrick took his wife's hand, "Time to go." They waved one last time before they faded into thin air.

"We're even," Amora said. "No offence but I hope our paths don't cross anytime soon. We might not stand on the same side."  
"Let us hope for the best then," Cap gave her a curt nod. "Farewell Amora."  
"Farewell," she disappeared.  
"Schawarma?" Tony rubbed his nose with his sleeve.  
"I'm in," Clint took Phil's hand, offering silent comfort.  
"Me too," Natasha stopped next to Clint, brushing her arm against his. He answered her request for comfort by taking her hand.  
"Sounds good," Bruce cleaned his glasses. Some dots of dried saltwater stained the glass.  
Steve put an arm around Tony, "Let's go then."

They picked up Barney on their way and spent the whole evening in the small Schawarma place around the corner.

"When do you intend to go on your honeymoon trip?" Tony ordered his second portion of Schawarma.  
"We haven't set a date yet," Phil was on his third cup of coffee. "We have no idea where to go, and we lack the time."

"We make time then," Tony said determined. "Leave it to me."  
"Keep in mind that we have to be able to afford it. So nothing too fancy," Clint interjected.

"Who said anything about you paying for your honeymoon?" Tony gave his best not to smirk, he already had plans for the perfect honeymoon in mind.

"It's our honeymoon," Clint argued. "So we have to pay for it."  
"Clint is right, we can't accept such a gift," Coulson added.  
"Wrong my dear friends. It's my wedding gift for you so you have to take it and say thank you Tony for your nice present."

Barney groaned barely audible, Stark was a crazy guy. "Do something stupid and I put an arrow through your arch reactor."

Tony had forgotten about the older Barton and his protective streak, "No jokes. I promise."  
"Good, or I have to break out of jail again. And I can if I want to."  
Tony gulped, "Scouts honor."

Barney's glare intensified and Tony had to look away, "Is that a Barton thing? I thought he learned that from Coulson and not the other way around."  
"It's a Coulson-Barton thing," Clint laughed. "He didn't need my help to develop his infamous glare."  
"Neither needed Clint my influence," Phil glanced over at Barney with amusement in his eyes. The older Barton was a great ally against Tony Stark, it's a shame he declined the offer to join S.H.I.E.L.D.

Clint almost jumped out of his chair as a loud bang and yell echoed through the restaurant. A man got into a fight with his wife and slammed his fist on the table before he shouted at her and ran out of the restaurant, leaving her behind.

"Breath," Phil rubbed Clint's back. "No one gets hurt."

Barney drew one of his knives and gave it to Clint, Clint took it gladly and hid the blade inside his sleeve. It felt good to feel the solid shaft in his hand and the cool metal against his skin. He was safe, Phil was there and so was Barney. And he was armed. So everything was fine, that was a fact but his head was not convinced. Barney pressed his shoulder against Clint's, telling him without words that he wasn't alone and that Barney was ready to take down everyone who came near him. Clint leaned into the touch, it reminded him of old times when they were still in the circus. Barney always made sure Clint had a knife or something equally dangerous before he left for a date or raid. 

"We're here, no one can harm you in any way," Steve said firmly. The paleness of his friend's skin was alarming and the haunted look in his eyes tore on his soft heart. "Trust us."

Clint took a shaky breath and nodded, "always ol' man." He closed his eyes for a moment to regain his composure, when he opened his eyes again he could see the shimmer of a steely blade in Natasha' hand, half hidden between her crossed arms.

Tony was fumbling with the bracelet which called his armor should he need it.

Cap flexed his muscles while Bruce gave him a self-confident smile, reminding him of the fact that he was dining with the Hulk.

Even Phil's, normally, carefully hidden shoulder holster was visible from Clint's point of view, revealing Phil's favorite Beretta. He felt stupid for freaking out with his heavily armed, and dangerous, friends around. A grateful smile tugged on his lips, "Thank you guys."

"You're welcome," Tony smiled waving the waitress over. "I think it's time for something stronger than beer and coffee."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Life in the tower was still quiet and dull. Clint's laughter hadn't returned yet. He was on his best way but he still seemed so far gone.

"Is there nothing we can do?" Bruce nursed his cup of tea during breakfast. Clint was out to meet with his shrink and Phil had accompanied him to make sure he got there safely.  
"I don't know," Tony hated to admit defeat but he was at a loss.

Barney decided to join them, or rather Clint gave him a brotherly order to get to know them. So he did as he was told.

"Do you have an idea?" Natasha asked Barney. She was Clint's friend and knew him pretty well but she had no idea how to fix him.

"He needs time," Trickshot leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "He's complicated. I don't think I'm the right person to ask for help."  
"Why? You're his brother," Steve poked his pancakes, he wasn't hungry.  
"I tried to keep him together and fix what was broken for fifteen years. I failed big time."  
"You're broken too," Steve said empathically. "Maybe that's why."

"I watched you thoroughly and I dare to say that you're able to achieve what I always wanted. You can do this with time and patience." He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, "he likes to laugh. He loves being happy. To tell the truth I have no idea what makes him happy aside from Coulson."  
"Yeah, he knows the tricks," Natasha had always wondered how their handler did that. He knew them all so well without being overly present in their lives. she was sure he knew them better than they knew themselves.

"Clint uses the word 'sir' without fear," Barney himself couldn't use the word without feeling sick. "And he lets him, and you, touch him. That's a huge progress, there was a time only I was permitted to touch him."

Steve placed his huge hand on Barney's shoulder, startling the older Barton. "Seems like Clint isn't the only one who's afraid of body contact."  
"I had my fair share of stays in the hospital," he could still hear Clint's screams when his father took him back home, leaving Barney alone with their mother in the white room with all the nurses and strange people around. Clint was even more clingy whenever Barney was released from the hospital. He refused to leave Barney's side for days, provoking his father to hit him instead of Barney until he was fully healed. "He once broke four of my fingers of the right hand. He stomped on them."

Barney was surprised as Rogers squeezed his shoulder, the soldier's fingers tightened with anger the moment Barney told his story. It felt strange that people cared for him. They don't know me, I'm their foe...

"You my friend," Tony pointed at Trickshot. "Can join us anytime." The others nodded in agreement.  
"I-...," what was he supposed to say? They just offered him a chance, like S.H.I.E.L.D. had not so long ago.  
"You don't have to decide right now. Take your time," Stark opened his favorite holographic program. He was working on new arrows for Clint.

"He's in good hands," Barney tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. They were good for his brother, less to worry about when I go back to jail.

"That he is, especially in Phil's." Natasha was glad that Barney decided to stop his vendetta and chose to be a part of Clint's life instead. "Coulson is special, he has a way to get under your skin without making you uncomfortable. Clint made me join the agency and here he was. Calm and untouchable. I thought they sent him to break me before they would put me back together to their liking but I was wrong. Clint greeted him with a simple, 'missed me sir?', and Coulson's eyes started sparkling. That was the moment I knew he'd take care of me, that he was different from the others."

"He's pushy but I think Clint needs that at times," Barney didn't look away from the ceiling. "He needs someone who keeps him grounded. Stability and reliability are concepts we aren't used to."  
"We took that away from him but things like that happen, even families make mistakes. No family is perfect. We would have been more careful had we known about his past," Steve was determined to never repeat his mistake.

They came to the conclusion that Clint was so hyper and childish because he never got the chance to be a child. The people around him punished him for being a child and the fact that he behaved around them like a carefree five years old proved how much he trusted them not to do the same. The archer trusted them not to judge and punish him for who he was. We damaged the trust he had in us, Steve sighed inwardly, "I miss his laugh."

"I miss his chatter," Bruce looked mournful. The big guy in him yelled 'idiot' at him.  
"His presence," it was lonely without Clint around. Natasha took him for granted but his absence taught her that he was able to leave her side. He was probably able to turn his back on her if she wasn't careful. The thought of him leaving her life sent a shiver down her spine.  
"Causing mischief," Tony stated while he calculated the right balance for the arrow. "I lost my best student and partner in crime."

"I can barely remember the sound of his voice when he laughs one of his wholehearted laughs," Trickshot looked at the people around him. "Stark?"  
"Yes?"  
"Is it possible to improve my brother's hearing aids?"  
"You wound me, I can improve anything. Why?"  
"I noticed that he rubs over his ears whenever magnetic fields are close by, or the Television to loud, or when the Thor guy who dropped by yesterday speaks loudly next to him. I'm sure they cause him discomfort."  
"You noticed all that?" Tony asked while he opened a new data to start with his own version of hearing aids.  
"I'm sensible to changes related to his hearing. It's my fault after all."  
"Yours?" Bruce blurted out, ready to transform in case he took an active part in injuring Clint.  
"I left," he swallowed hard. "I met with a friend and left him alone with dad."  
"Doesn't make it your fault," Tony made a dismissive gesture with his hand.  
"I should have stayed."

"You were a kid. You needed some time alone, I'm sure Clint shares our opinion. Every child has a right to live freely and you took the chance you got to find friends. That's a good thing," Steve used his most convincing tone of voice. The one he uses to motivate troops.  
"He doesn't blame me. Clint never blamed me for anything, he's always ready to invite me back into his life without questions, without consequences."  
"He loves you," Natasha shrugged. "Nothing will change that."  
"I know how to lose him but I won't do it," he smiled. "I don't want him to hate me. I like to challenge him, I want to become better than him but I don't intend to destroy him."  
"You know a way? What could you possibly do to make him kill you?" Tony wasn't sure he wanted an answer to that.

"Coulson," he stated simply. Their eyes widened, Trickshot was right. Killing Coulson would tear Clint apart and he would hunt his brother down with the intention to kill him before he would commit suicide.

"Tonight is movie night would you like to join us again? We even pretend you're not cuddling with your brother on the couch while Coulson takes claim of the right side of Clint's body."

"Tony!" They said in unison. Barney watched them banter, it was highly amusing and gave him a hard time not to laugh at their stupidity. Yep, Clint's definitely in very good hands.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The doctors cleared the archer for duty so his time with his brother came to an end, he was lucky that his mental state counted too and not only his physical wounds so Barney stayed longer than he was supposed to. But everything came to an end one day. Fury gave the order to accompany the older Barton to a prison in Nevada. The Avengers weren't happy about the assignment but it granted Clint more time with his big brother.

"You're so much alike it borders on weird," Phil took the seat next to Barney before the Quinjet took off. "You remind me of Clint at the time we started working together. He was an angry young man with serious issues concerning authorities. I dare to say it bordered on hatred towards us. The more we pushed the more he pushed back, ignoring orders but I have to say he was always reliable, he never endangered his fellow comrades in any way with his insubordination. The only person he endangered was himself. He didn't care about himself, no matter what I said or did."

"What have you done to change that?"  
"I stayed," Phil glanced over at Clint. The archer had cried against his shoulder the night before, dreading the next day. Letting his brother go again was hard to handle. Phil had made up his mind and talked to Clint until he fell asleep with a smile on his face. Coulson's voice had that effect on Clint, the archer was so used to having Phil's voice in his ear that it became a panacea.

The older agent was Barton's guide through hardship and brought him back from the brink of death more than once. That was a fact Phil was proud of. "He pushed and pushed and pushed, and I held on to him. Putting my head on the line for him, granting him chance after chance. One day our relationship shifted, he tried to please me, to do me favors, he started behaving to save my reputation and job."

"He's loyal," Barney held Phil's gaze. "How did it start? Your relationship I mean."  
"I don't know when exactly things started to change. I developed a serious crush on him two months into our working relationship. We never had a normal handler-asset relationship. There was something between us and one day while we were bleeding out from bullet wounds we ended up kissing, from then on we were an item. Nothing much has changed since then aside from the physical part a relationship brings with it."

"It was Sri Lanka," Clint had heard them. "You saved my life, you went against Fury's orders and freed me instead of leaving me in the hands of my abductors. That day I considered the possibility that you might like me."  
"Ahh, you're right. You started lurking around my office," he smirked.  
Barney chuckled, "You're a quirky couple." Trickshot was rewarded with two matching grins, self-confident and mocking.

Clint got up and got something out of a supply cabinet and threw it at Barney, "It's time."  
The older Barton stared at the bundle that landed in his lap, "huh." He got up and put on the backpack.

Tony looked at them, turning on the autopilot while the others stared at them in confusion. Coulson put one of the safety leashes around his middle and grabbed the handle close to the exit of the jet. Clint hooked his fingers into Phil's belt loop, tugging him closer. "Love you, sir."

Phil captured Clint's lips with his own, kissing him with passion. He didn't reply but gave Clint a look that said it all. Be careful, don't do something stupid and I love being secretive. Hawkeye pushed the button of the door and it opened.

Clint gestured for Barney to come closer, he took his brother's hand and gave Phil one last gleeful smile before he let himself fall out of the jet, hand in hand with his big brother.  
Phil watched them fall.

"Clint," Steve yelled. "He will lose his job."  
"Nick will raise hell and roast us over the open fire," Tony groaned but worry was visible in his eyes.

"Let me worry about that," Phil's face was blank. His emotions carefully hidden but something told them it wasn't Clint's plan and they were right. Phil came up with the plan and had a long talk with Nick behind all their backs. Fury told him no but had that ever stopped one Agent Phil Coulson?

He turned around to go back to his seat and he could see Black Widow's knowing smirk from the corner of his eye. A tiny smirk graced his lips only Natasha could see, "Such a shame, sir." She said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Yeah, such a shame," Steve agreed after he understood what was going on.  
"Fury will throw a tantrum, I'm looking forward to it." Tony looked like the cat that got the cream.

Bruce looked thoughtful, "What if he gets lost?" They understood the full meaning behind his words, what if he doesn't come home?

"He always finds his way home," Phil said very self-confident. "That's where I am."

Therewith the conversation was over, Stark turned the jet around and flew back home.  
Shortly before they landed in NYC, Phil got a text message from Clint.  
'Bring him in by Saturday.'

'You know where to find me,' Phil replied. He was surprised at how little persuasion was needed to lure Trickshot into S.H.I.E.L.D. He had refused S.H.I.E.L.D.'s and the Avenger's offer to join them. Maybe all it needed was for Clint to ask his brother to stay.

'Office.'

'Home,' Coulson took his promise seriously.

Weekend was weekend unless villains threatened to burn down the world to the ground. Nick had enough good agents to survive after hours and weekends without Coulson. Phil was needed elsewhere, '<3.'

'Shortcuts. Really? Aww sir. I knew you cared XD'

Phil put his phone away with a cheeky smile plastered on his face, he had a lot more up his sleeve to bridge the time until Saturday.

The End


End file.
